3 Ways to Find True Relief from Relationship Pain

When you are in pain because of something that's happened in your love relationship or marriage, it can seem like there's nothing else in your life but the hurt and upset way you feel. You may have discovered that your partner lied to or cheated on you. Or perhaps you and your mate can't seem to get along and your relationship is riddled with conflict most of the time. It could also be that you feel unappreciated, neglected or unloved. No matter what has happened, the pain that you are feeling can be intense at times. In order to function in your life and to be able to release what happened and heal, you need to find true relief from the pain. Of course, there are decisions that you might need to make. You could be facing a difficult set of circumstances that has to be resolved. None of this will happen easily if you are overwhelmed by pain and upset. The best choices for you and your relationship future can be made from a place of clarity and as much calm as you can manage at this time. What is “true relief?” When we refer to true relief from relationship pain, we are talking about the people, books, music, pets and natural sights and sounds that help to ease the intense emotions you are feeling. True relief brings you a feeling of improvement and a sense of ease that serves your overall well-being. There's nothing wrong with turning to a pint of your favorite ice cream or flipping on a tv show when you are upset-- but these may not bring you true relief. When you are using food or other things to dull your senses and as an attempt to escape the pain, they are probably not going to serve your overall well-being. Pretty soon the sugar-high wears off or the show ends and you find yourself once again face-to-face with those emotions that were pouring through you and that you were attempting to stave off. In fact, you might feel even worse! #1 Seek the kind of support that you need right now. If you are struggling to find relief from relationship pain, seek out support from those you can trust. This might be a counselor or a coach. It could also be a friend or family member-- preferably one who is not in the midst of his or her own emotional upheaval. Be clear with this person about the form of support you'd like at this moment. Keep in mind this will probably change over time. You may want most of all for someone to just listen to you as you try to process what's happened. You could welcome his or her advice as well. Or you might not want to talk at all, but would prefer the person's company and even just a warm, reassuring hug. Perhaps just as important as seeking out trusting, reliable people to support you, it is vital that you make yourself open to receiving help. For whatever reason, you might hold the belief that you have to stay strong or that you are unworthy of the love and comfort you long for. This attitude will only drive you further into your pain. Give yourself permission to be supported. Really open up to the love that is being offered to you as well as the potential for release. #2 Follow up on inspired actions. When you are looking for true relief, you have to listen closely to what you are advising your own self to do. This means that you stay tuned in to you and when you feel drawn to a particular activity, you do it. It might be that you feel compelled to read a particular book you “stumble upon” at the library or a bookstore. Or you may decide to finally do something you've always wanted to do such as attend a group meeting, join a club, sign up for a class or try out for a community play. Please note, none of these actions will bring you true relief if you are merely doing them as a way to avoid how you are feeling. In that case, they would merely distract you for a time. But you can find a sense of ease-- and even renewed eage ess for life-- if you expand yourself as you are inspired to do so. In this way, healing can happen. You will undoubtedly be drawn to the people and activities that will give you a chance to feel improvement. #3 Allow your feelings as they rise and fall. A third way to find true relief from relationship pain is to simply allow your emotions to do what they need to do. This isn't always convenient and it isn't usually pleasant. But it a powerful way to move toward ease and eventually even feel happy again. If you've ever let yourself have a good, long and deep cry, you probably know what we're talking about. When you give yourself over to the tears, the anger, the grief or whatever it is you are feeling, you almost always can experience a release and sense of relief after it subsides. Of course, this doesn't mean that you cause further harm or hurt to yourself or others in the course of your flowing emotions. If you feel like you would endanger yourself or another person as you allow your feelings, please seek help from a professional counselor or coach. Just as an ocean wave rises and falls, so too can your painful emotions. Create a safe place for yourself where you can be alone and uninterrupted. When you feel triggered by something or overwhelmed by your feelings, go to that place and let whatever is coming up move through you. You can write in a journal, dance to expressive music or simply sit and breathe and feel. Whatever helps you release these difficult emotions, give it a tray. The question to keep in mind is this: “Do I believe that this person, activity or resource will bring me true relief and is it beneficial to my overall well-being?”