A Mothers Heart: The ADHD/ADD Child

Like many young women, I had many dreams for myself and one of them was having a family and children by my side. I was raised in a Christian home with an older brother and younger sister. I found Jesus Christ as my personal Savior at the age of 9 years old. At the age of 20 one of my dreams came true. I met my husband in the summer of 1976 and six months later in January of 1977 we were married in a little church in Johnson City, Tennessee. nnAs years went my marriage became very shaky and things became complicated, which added stress to my life. On Thanksgiving of 1986, after 10 years of marriage, I was able to announce that I was expecting my first child. I was so happy and excited, yet a part of me was sad because I knew my marriage was in trouble. I prayed to God to heal my marriage and help me to understand why this was happening to me at this time in my life. I thought to myself, this must be God s will and my marriage will be restored because of this new baby that God brought into our lives. Little did I know what lay ahead for me was not an easy road to take. nOn July 5, 1987, God gave me a son, Stephen and what a "blessing he is". I could not wait to see him when I had him. I wanted to see that little part of me in this baby. As they wheeled me in the nursery at the hospital I looked around to see my son. They handed him to me and I did not want to let go. He was so beautiful and precious. I thanked God for him and asked him to bless his little life and prayed that I would be the best mom I could. nnEverything appeared to be fine and he was a great baby. However, it was not until he was 3 years old that we knew he was a little different and bit more hyperactive than I could handle. It was not until two ladies from my church brought it to my attention. One of my friends, Mary, told me "Stephen is very hard to handle. Have you had him tested for hyperactivity and attention deficit disorder?" I looked at her and thought to myself what was that? I listened carefully to my two friends and yet a part of me was in denial. I wanted God to heal him to be normal like all the other children. I noticed as I attended children's church that other boys and girls would listen to me while telling them to behave or wait their turn. I longed for my son to respond in this way, but he could not.nnI remember praying over him night after night and asked God, 'why me? Why my boy?' I took my son, Stephen, to see his primary physician. I spoke to him about this disorder and he told me my son was not a candidate to be tested. I was very confused because in my heart I knew something was not quite right. His doctor told me that a child like Stephen would have to be 6 years old before he would consider testing or even putting him on medication. This was upsetting for me because I was looking for solutions or advice to my problem. As my heart was breaking I thought about the doctor's advice and I took care of my son the best that I could. nnAt this point in Stephen's was 3 years old. My husband was in denial and I was receiving no support from him. I wanted structure and stability for my son's life and this was not happening. I did pray many times, as well as kneeling by my son's bed and praying, and at times just looking at his precious face and knowing Jesus created this little boy and knowing in my heart God had great plans for his future. My heart ached and yet many times I felt alone in dealing with my circumstances. My husband did not even want to discuss or deal with it. It was always my problem. nnBy the time Stephen reached the age of 4 a friend of mine recommended my son to be tested by the school board, called Florida Diagnostic and Learning Resource Systems, also known as FDLRSs. The program is made available through the school system. They tried many things to see where he was in his learning and where he should be placed for his education. With the audio testing and motor skills, it was concluded he should be placed in an emotionally handicapped class or Specific Learning Disability class. nnThings in my marriage had come to a point of no return. I thought of everything to help my marriage and cried out to the Lord on many occasions. My son was 5 years old at this point in our lives. I knew it would not be easy, but I had to do what was best for my son and myself. I knew if I had stayed in this situation my son would continue to have problems with his ADD and other domestic problems. Times were tough and finances were difficult, especially for a single mom. nnDuring this difficult time in my life for me, I spent time with Stephen continually. He loved the park and we spent many days there. Being an only child, he was able to play with the other children. Spending time with my family was helpful and comforting for both of us. A year and half later I was divorced and found myself raising my son on my own for a short time. nStephen was struggling so much in school that I had to make a major decision in his life. His father was living with his parents and he wanted Stephen to come and live with him. This was a very trying time for me. What was I suppose to do and where do I turn? I prayed much about the circumstances and spoke to my family about what I was to do. Dealing with divorce and other issues were difficult enough. But having to make a major decision in my son's life was the most trying time in my life. How would I live alone, without my son? nnKnowing I was leaving my son with his grandmother, I knew I needed some quiet time. I decided to attend a ladies retreat at my church. I prayed much before going and I went with an open mind. It was during one of the sessions that the Lord told me to let go and let God. He reassured me that my son would be fine. Stephen lived with his father for 2 years and that was a major adjustment for me. nnBy the time he reached the age of 6 and I had to make a major decision for him. I contacted a psychiatrist and spoke to her about regarding Stephen. She was watching Stephen through this first session and spoke to him by herself to see what he was thinking. Throughout the session, he could not sit still. He was looking at everything on her bookshelves and touching them. I was constantly telling him, "no, do not touch that, put that down," and so forth. With all the information she gathered from our sessions, it was decided to put him on medication. I had tried other things keeping him away from sugar and trying to keep him away from certain food types, as well. While trying different elements his hyperactive was still there and he could not sit still. nnIn the summer of 1993 I met my future husband, Ray Glenn. October 15th, 1994 Ray and I were married in a small chapel at the church we were attending. It was a small wedding and we made sure Stephen was part of the ceremony. We exchanged our vows, took communion and included Stephen as part of the family vows. nStephen is now 22 years old and has had to overcome a lot of obstacles in his life. He does not have a lot of friends, but he cherishes the ones he has. He has a wonderful relationship with his stepfather, Ray. It is wonderful to drive up after working eight hours a day and see them both playing basketball. Raising an ADD child, and now an adult is very challenging and yet very rewarding. I would not trade some of the moments Stephen and I have shared. God has been so good to Stephen and I with all the obstacles we have had to cross. In my daily moments with God I thank him for my son, my husband and for his wonderful blessings in my life.