A Simple Act, An Enormous Impact

I recently posted a column here about a line of cancer greeting cards that became controversial when a media analyst posited on the Today Show that such cards go too far. The analyst maintained that friends should know what to write and not have to depend on canned messages. I disagree; the reason I advocate for those impacted by cancer is that so many people feel uncomfortable around the ill, don’t know what to say, and may even stay away out of fear of causing harm.nnLast week, I found myself thinking again about greeting cards. Shopping for a woman I love who just lost her mom, I found the perfect card. Only problem was, I’d have to hold onto to it for a few weeks.nnThe front read, “A healing heart is strengthened by love and memory.” On the inside, “Still thinking of you…and wishing you peace.”nnWhat I love about the card is that so many of us offer concentrated prayers and love during the acute phase of illness or grief, but may forget – or may have never learned – how long it can take to heal, especially in the case of grief. Having lost my mom and many other loved ones, I know this all too well.nnThe sadness can come in waves, and sometimes a sneaker one knocks you down and drags you across rough sand strewn with sharp-edged stones. It helps to know at those times – or any time - that friends still keep you in their hearts.nnWhen it comes to cancer, things become more complicated. Often, after we’ve completed treatment, we want to forget what we’ve been through, and prefer to be the one to bring up the subject of our illness. According to my research, it’s not a good idea to send a card bringing up a loved one’s cancer several months after treatment, although it’s always nice to send a “Just thinking of you” or friendship card.nnBut in the case of grief, during the first few months especially, most of us who have sustained a loss like to think that our friends continue to send thoughts and prayers for our healing. And although some of us could come up with “Still thinking of you…and wishing you peace” kind of message ourselves, many of us could not. And it’s wonderful to see lovely fonts and soothing graphics complement the message. Adding one’s own words of course only adds to the impact, but sometimes people just can’t find the words, and that’s okay.nnSo, just a reminder: it takes so little to soothe a heart. Consider the following 10 words that I read in another card, by Cardthartic. So profound yet simple; so so compassionate, so true.nn“Knowing this time would come – makes it no less difficult.”nnKnowing people care may make it just a little more bearable.nnAlways hope,nLorinnAuthor of Help Me Live: 20 things people with cancer want you to knownwww.LoriHope.comnn--nnThis post originally appeared on Lori's CarePages blog, "Hope for Cancer: what helps. what hurts. what heals."