Abused Men: Abusive Partner And The Gender Factor

Common thinking is that domestic violence is a “women’s issue.” While it is true there are more reported abuse cases involving women, it is a fact that men are abused by their domestic partners as well.nnMy belief is that there is indeed a gender factor when we think of abuse in the “general sense.” By general I mean all forms and manifestations of abuse: reckless conduct, competitive violent aggression, abuse associated with lowered inhibitions, excessive stress reactivity, underdeveloped interpersonal communication skills, and the abusive conduct that can be a byproduct of drug-seeking behavior and the like.nnHowever, I do not believe there is as much a gender factor when it comes to the abuse characteristic of “intimate partner violence,” (domestic abuse, spousal abuse, domestic violence) as it’s defined in the professional literature. With respect to this syndrome, there is more of a “human factor” underlying its dynamics.nnThe Real FactornnIt is a human factor that is fundamentally about control. Violence may be a manifestation of domestic abuse, but domestic abuse is really about control. And I don’t think it matters whether the controlling party is wearing pants or a skirt, whether he/she contributes as breadwinner or as housekeeper, or whether this person deposits the checks or cashes them. nnDomestic violence is not bound by traditional male female stereotypes; rather it is a human obsessive compulsion for control. One might even say it’s a psychosocial addiction to control.nn Domestic Abuse Incidence to MennnIn my consulting and psychotherapy practice, as well as in my life, I see almost as many men who are victimized/battered by their female intimate partners as women. (Studies show that nearly 40% of domestic violence victims each year are men.) The only difference I see between the abused man and the abused woman is the social politics surrounding their issues.nnSeeing domestic violence beyond gender helps us identify the essence of battering behavior, that is the larger context from which it unfolds. From here, we are in a better position to act in our best interest.nn© 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com www.EndDomesticAbuse.org