Anger Management For Children Needs To Be Reinvented

Most adults understand that an infant's cry is a form of communication. It is, in fact, the only method an infant has of telling the adults around him that he is uncomfortable. He may be hungry. He may be feeling pain from an upset tummy. He may simply be feeling lonely or frightened. When we picture an infant in distress, we don't usually think that the baby requires anger management. But the baby is probably very angry, especially if his needs are not met promptly. When we think about anger management for children, let's review where a child has been and how he got to this angry place. We may begin to learn more by taking a few steps back.

Advancing into the toddler years, a very young child may throw temper tantrums. Since most parents anticipate this time in a child's life, as a period of adjustment, few adults overact and often throw up their hands and say, "Oh he's just going through the Terrible Twos".

As a baby, the child cried and got what he needed. As a toddler, he becomes more angry because screaming and crying and jumping up and down doesn't always elicit his desired response. If a toddler's tantrums are ignored or laughed at, the young child will usually become more angry. Again, the child is trying to negotiate an outcome using the best skills he has available. He hasn't been taught to do otherwise.

In fact, entire professional specialties, in psychiatry and psychology, have been created to observe human anger and manage it. The underlying message is that civilized societies have decided that there is little or no room for the expression of anger. Optimally anger must be banished. At a minimum it must be managed.

After all, uncontrolled anger can easily lead to violence, crime, imprisonment and injury. Anger isn't pretty and no society wants to see it or hear about it. Most cultures just wish it would go away.

Two common approaches to anger management for children are the use of psychiatric drugs or getting the child involved in a team sport. Other approaches may include group or individual counseling, diets restricted in sugar and synthetic foods or anger therapy where children are encouraged to beat up pillows to express their anger and get it out of their system.

During the 1980's and 1990's, an increasing number of elementary schools began teaching anger management for children. Age appropriate books were typically used in addition to group chats. As children were taught to explore their feelings more openly there was a great deal of progress that was being made in helping provide tools that would assist young people in methods of self-guidance and responsible behavior.

Might we find a better understanding of the source of the child's anger if we were to find more patience and empathy when searching for the best 'management' tools to fix the angry child?

Will parents in the new millennium still be looking for a quick fix when it comes to managing a child's anger or will they make different choices. Will new millennial parents send babies to daycare or will they choose to have a stay-at-home parent and a simpler lifestyle? Will parents continue to enroll three and four year old children in soccer camps or will toddlers spend more time learning more effective communication skills elsewhere?

When we think about anger management for children, we need to begin thinking in terms of self-guidance. Ideally, an adult's role in child development is to kindly help a child understand the culture they live in and help the child improve his communication skills.

An angry child is expressing his need for something he lacks. Anger is the form of communication a child may choose for lack of skill. Adults can improve anger management for children by taking the time to listen with understanding and provide leadership by teaching the child better communication skills.