Are You a Victim?

Are You’re a Victim?

Why do we choose to beat ourselves up over things that we’ve done, but not only that, frequently things that are done to us? So many of us seem to have a desire or need to make ourselves a victim. I call this phenomenon Victimhood and you won’t find that term in any dictionary that I’ve read.

“Right” or “wrong” are most often a perceptual idea;, based on our own perceptions of or even the perceptions of our family, friends, church and society. What you might think is wrong, I might find perfectly acceptable and vice versa.

In a polygamous culture, there is nothing wrong with having more than one spouse and yet most of us would be outraged if we discovered that our mate had a another spouse. Our perception of what a relationship should be makes this wrong. But is it? Who knows, if it’s right for you, if it is what you believe, then your perception makes it right. However, if your spouse believes something entirely different, then you’ve got a problem. Does that make you right and them wrong? Depends on your perception! Certainly, it will be hurtful for the person who was deceived and believes it to be wrong.

More importantly, however, it demonstrates the importance of communication. This example is extreme, but in any relationship it is crucial to communicate with each other, to clarify what each of you expects in the relationship and the other person. Figure it out early, can differences be resolved and can you move forward with each other. It is so much better to find out in the first few months of a relationship, rather than after several years. After one of you ends up feeling like a victim.
But Victimhood isn’t just about relationships.

Let’s say something unpleasant happens to you. Something very unpleasant. Perhaps you are abused, mugged or even raped. You might get angry, you will certainly feel violated, but so often the victim feels that somehow it was their own fault. That somehow they brought this on themselves!!! And why is it that so many of us embrace that thought and that feeling. We grab it and cling to it like a life raft.

I want each of you to consider something. Have you made the decision that you are a victim? Think about that because that decision will affect your entire future.

Have you fallen prey to Victimhood?

Oh, initially you might say NO! I have not decided that. But just take a moment now and really think about it.
There are advantages to choosing Victimhood. Perhaps the most alluring is that if you are a victim, you do not ever have to take responsibility for anything in your life. Nothing is your fault because you are a victim.

If we look at what being a victim really means to the person who has embraced Victimhood, it means you are not responsible for anything. It’s not my fault I cheated on my wife, it’s because I’m in a bad relationship and it’s not my fault I’m in a bad relationship, my parents had a horrible marriage so what could you expect, it’s not my fault! It’s not my fault I can’t commit to another person, my mother didn’t understand me. It’s not my fault I use drugs or drink too much, I had a horrible childhood and my wife (or husband) cheated on me, or “I am powerless in the face of my addiction”. It’s not my fault, I have a disease. It’s not my fault I can’t keep a job, my father was never there to teach me or guide me, my mother didn’t give me enough love, my wife doesn’t understand me, my husband ignores me, my kids don’t show me any respect, my friends don’t understand me, etc., etc., etc. A victim can always blame anything on outside circumstances.

You do this often enough and it becomes a way of life. A rather sad, unfulfilled and unhappy way of life. It becomes VICTIMHOOD!
Believe me, I do understand how it feels and how it works because I took a little trip to Victimhood myself for a period of time. It wasn't fun, although I have to admit that it was addictive. Here’s a thought, Take responsibility for your action! Life will become so much sweeter. Oh, it’s hard at first, especially for the person who has learned not to take responsibility for anything they say or do. You’ve actually got to feel all those feelings you ran away from in the first place. But, when you can acknowledge how strong you really are, when you can accept that you made choices and that you are actually in charge of what you say and do, you can take back control and rediscover who you are. You had to be strong. You had to be amazing to live through all that crap that made you feel like a victim in the first place and to keep on going.
The child who survives abuse is amazingly self-reliant and strong. The woman who has come out of a nasty, bad relationship and can keep on going, is powerful beyond belief. The man who came from a loveless home and can continue to search for the right relationship and woman to love is strong and sensitive with a big, beautiful heart and so much love to give. And there are hundred and thousands of stories just like those that show us, each of us, just how powerful we are or could be if we are willing to accept that power and that strength.

One of the underlying motivations for Victimhood is fear. All too often we let this fear get the better of us. We waste precious days and years getting so caught up in our worry and fear and Victimhood that we hardly think of anything else. If we take back control, eventually, the clouds will clear and we can see how silly we have been. We will see that our most valuable possession is not life; it is the ability to enjoy life. If that is taken away from us - or if we inadvertently cut ourselves off from it with Victimhood, we lose everything.

Conscious awareness of this process is the first step to taking back control and living the life you were meant to live, a live filled with fulfillment, happiness and joy.

Linda Simmon, C.Ht.
New Beginnings
www.newhypnotherapy.com