***Ask is not a four letter word…Neither is No

Just coming back from coaching the 2-day live Intensive Book Yourself Solid event for Michael Port. He hosted eight people in his home for an intensive, solution oriented problem solving event. We offered individual coaching in areas each person requested and as a group explored business challenges that were similar. Small group coaching is an effective way to realize answers to problems you perhaps could not articulate or didn’t realize you had. One member blurted out during a group session, “Oh! That’s it, that’s the solution to my problem too…. For the next few posts I will be writing and exploring what I learned at the event and how I am able to assimilate it into our business and my life. I wanted to begin at the end --the closing we had Friday afternoon. The group was asked two things. First, tell others how they could share their knowledge, network and compassion with each other. Around the table each member spoke and had very generous offers for each member, many that I know will be life changing. The offers and words flowed easily. The answer to the second was not so easy: “Ask the members for what you want, how they can be of service to you?” It’s not easy to ask others for something. Do we think it is a sign of weakness, or greed, or fear of the answer no… I don’t have the answer to that but I came up with three ideas for asking (and getting) what you want. 1. Gauge what you can reasonable ask for. If you know them you can ask for more… So starts slow, if you don’t have a relationship, allow time to build one. Then make sure you ask the right person a relevant request. Be very specific what you want and how you can help them in a meaningful way. By relevant and specific, I mean it makes no sense to ask the wrong person…be logical, research to make sure they can do step 2. Say yes…. 2. Make it very easy for them to say yes. Create value for the person you're asking. Not something you think is of value…something they believe is valuable. By meaningful, I mean relevant. Indulge me in a little rant, please… you would not believe all the offers I see for JV partnerships that are all about them-- “huge” offers of dollars returns etc are not relevant to me. Because what they are asking me to do is not relevant to my friends and audience and I am not going to break the trust and relationship I have with them bombarding them with something that is not relevant…. Some of these “asks” have even gone so far as to get nasty when I say thanks, but no thanks, which brings me to point 3. 3. Be okay with no from that person at that point in time. Let me go off on a tangent about no for a moment, from my experience, when someone says no, it's either because we aren't clear on what we want them to do, or what we ask for is not easy to say yes to for whatever reason. For example; we're asking too much, too soon, just like in dating you don’t say “Hi, you don’t know me yet, but let’s get married.” Same thing in asking for something, it depends on your relationship with the other person what you can reasonably expect to get when you ask. rnNow, I’m not saying that the squeaky wheel doesn’t occasionally get the grease, it is okay to ask until you get what you want, it may just be asking a different person or in a different way.