***Bacon Flavored Red Meat Treat You Don't Have to be a Man to Eat (Recipes for You, You Don't Cook!)

Peel about half a head of garlic and leave it in tiny pieces in your food chopper. If you don't have a food chopper, get one – and for now just smash the garlic in a baggie with a hammer. This will motivate you to get a food chopper. I know this!

Cut any red meat into bite-sized thin strips, have a little bacon grease handy to saute it in quickly later, in a fry pan of appropriate size. For now, keep it warm.

Take 3 slices of bacon, assuming you have at least two pounds of red meat, and cut them together in roughly one-inch squares, into a pan no more than medium heat. Kitchen scissors held over the pan is the best way to do this. While the bacon is slowly developing grease, separate the little pieces and chop one, two or three onions – depending on how much meat and how much patience you have.

Here is the best way to chop the onion: Get out a paper towel, fold it diagonally, put half an onion on it. Slice the half-onion fairly thinly one way, keeping it in one shape together, then turn the paper towel and slice the onion thinly the other way. Pick up the paper towel by the three corners and walk it to the waiting pan. Do this with the other half-onion, and with however many other onions you choose to process.

And the best way to peel an onion is to cut one end stopping when one or two layers of white is still there, and follow that cut to the other end and back to the starting point. The cheeks of peel are now easy to remove and you have taken the tougher hide off. Done. You will get the hang of this quickly.

If you put a square of onion in the warming grease, you can tell when the grease is ready for the batch of onion to come by watching the bubbles around that square. When the bubbles are really busy, the grease must get something to be close to.

Now that the onion is meeting the grease in the pan, you can put a little curry on it if you wish. This would be for health more than for taste, in this recipe. If things get a little draggy in the pan, don't add more fat, add perhaps a little vinegar from a jar of jalapenos. When the onion is no longer obviously raw but is cooking away, dump the garlic en masse into the community in the pan. Stir every once in a while: Keep it moving.

You may now turn your attention to the other pan, where, if you remember, a moderate amount of bacon grease is warm and waiting. Increase its heat beyond medium but nowhere near high. You want it to sizzle moderately when a test strip of meat kisses it. When that temperature is reached, in goes all the red meat strips which you want to be cooked only enough to not be a raw color, but not browned either. In other words, this meat must be tender. So taste it as you cook it, and take it off the burner as soon as it is desirable to you. Obviously, you keep it moving to make this happen.

Serve the two together for you two together. It tastes even better than it sounds. You will see.

Variation would be to steam some mixed frozen vegetables, and either serve them separately here, or stir them at the last minute into the onion community. This recipe is guyfood, so the vegetables may offend – best served separately or not at all. If you have a steamer, it is also a short cut to steam the onions instead of sauteing them, putting them in the recipe at the same time. This is a shortcut in time to the recipe.