Between Kindness and Results

For me, kindness is an essential part of the process for gaining long-term results. Now, you may question the correlation between words of encouragement and the reality of achieving goals. But let’s consider the following observations and sensibilities: Results are due to the amount of effort put forth, positive or negative. We think of results as the end product of a process. Kindness plays a critical role in reinforcing the process. And words that support and give comfort make the difference as we move through the process. From a personal perspective, recently I received strong reactions and constructive criticism from three sources in one day! I listened to the comments, considered the source, and tried to understand the meaning of the words. Each of the comments seemed true enough, but when I reflected on the exchange of words I know I would have embraced the concepts more readily if they had been delivered with more kindness. What do you do when you receive feedback without kindness and compassion - feedback that hurts your sensitivities? Think about a time when you needed some reassurance or encouragement about your steps in the process. How did it feel when you felt encouraged? How did it feel when you felt discouraged? We can not change others. We can only change ourselves and the way we react to things. Our job is to create the environment where kindness and compassion exist. Certainly, sensitivity plays a role. In my case, I consider my high sensitivity a gift, especially in my work as a radio talk show host. It helps me seeks out the true meaning of my guests’ words and share that with my listeners. Yet, it also challenges me to overcome feelings of rejection when my sensitivity gets the better of me. Here’s what I do to help myself get through those times when more “sugar” - kindness and compassion – is what I believe I need than more of the “spice.”

• I make a list of what I have that is positive in my life.
• I assess my progress in the last year by monthly quarters.
• I think about the criticisms that have hurt my feelingsrn
• I ask myself honestly to find the truth in those criticisms.

Once I find the truth, I consider the source. Does that person delivering the message have a particular style that is blunt, strong or harsh? If I respect this person for their knowledge, insight, wit, and wisdom, I then look to myself to rethink how I can benefit from their feedback without taking it personally. I believe we can sustain results and achieve joy when we are nourished and fed with positive actions. Kindness, compassion, comfort, and peace are not often associated with results and success. Results and success are associated with images of a fitness center, test-taking, and climbing the corporate ladder. We think of kindness, compassion, and comfort as a day at the spa, a place of worship or in intimate moments with friends and loved ones. Kindness should be king. Don’t you think? It goes a long way to lift our spirits, our energy level, and our motivation to make a difference. So on a bad day when I feel “bruised”, I reflect on the issues stated above…then go ahead and draw a bubble bath for myself, listen to soothing music and my guided meditation tape, and jot down my gratitude list to my treasured friends. Then my spirits and my pen lift – once again.