Boost Your Confidence

Confidence is a lifelong process. We rarely just arrive at a place where we have total confidence, and then stay that way forever. We fluctuate as life throws us challenges. For example, perhaps you have been reprimanded by your boss or did not get a call back after a first date. Those situations challenge our confidence. rnThere are ways, however, that you can build resiliency to those types of situations- to the point where you can say something to yourself like, "Well, I don't know why my date didn't call me back, but I know that this situation is not necessarily a result of me and my faults." rnTry these following Confidence BOOSTers: rn1. Practice Daily Mastery. In DBT, one way to reduce your vulnerability to negative emotions is to tap into what you are good at everyday. You are not going to feel confident if you lie on the couch day after day, or browse the internet all day at work. Make a list of the things you are good at and do them- consciously. Perhaps you know you are great at your job. An active, successful day at work is your daily mastery. Perhaps you are a good cook. Making a tasty dinner is your daily mastery. Regardless of what it is, if it makes you feel like you accomplished something that you felt good about that day, it was a success at building your confidence. rn2. Make a Plan and Follow Through. Are your desires and your current reality congruent with each other? Or are you always wishing something could be different? If you answered yes to the latter of these questions, you are experiencing cognitive dissonance (aka your thoughts are stressing you out). If change is possible, make a specific plan as to how to make it happen and- are you ready for this- follow through with your plan! If you want to make more sales and be more productive at work, make a realistic and specific marketing plan and follow through. If you want to get in better shape, make a realistic and specific exercise plan, and follow through. This sense of accomplishment will certainly add to your self-confidence. rn3. Note Your Successes- Big and Small. I talk about mindfulness to my clients until I'm blue in the face. What good is going through life if you don't stop to really notice what's going on? Be aware of the things you are doing well each day. If you exercised even when you didn't really want to, notice that and give yourself a pat on the back. If you had a nice conversation with a friend or co-worker, notice that and let it have the power to make you feel good in that moment. rn4. Contribute to Others. I wrote an article in my sister-in-law's publication Manner of the Month last month about the natural "high" of giving. Physiologically, doing something nice for someone triggers the reward center in the brain and makes us feel better instantly. Try letting someone cut in front of you in rush hour traffic, sending a random card to a friend, or calling an elderly relative. The benefits are two-fold! rn5. Be Softer and Kinder to Yourself. "I'm such an idiot! That was such a stupid thing to do!" Have you ever said something like this to yourself? Try rephrasing these comments in a more objective, fact-like manner. "I just spilled my coffee and I'm embarrassed that I will have to walk around like this all day." Even this small change can reduce the drama and sharpness of your self-directed talk.