Brain Injury And The Family

My name is Biancia Tate and I am the wife of a brain injury survivor. I am writing this article for those spouses who have recently been introduced into the world of traumatic brain injury . Traumatic brain injury births a unique kind of grief called ambigious loss which is grief without closure. Your loved one is physically present but is psychologically changed whereas, their personality has been changed as well as their behavior whereas, if your spouse, prior to the brain injury, was very loving and kind may now be detached and bitter. I believe this is because they, too, are grieving what they used to be prior to the brain injury and are having great difficulty readjusting to life after the brain injury as are you, the spouse. What I have come to find in my 16 years of marriage, 15 involving brain injury, is that there is a third person that has moved in with you and has come between you and your spouse. Here are some tips that I have learned over the years to cope with all the grief and loneliness.
First, take time to grieve as if you were grieving someone who had physically died. I know this may seem insensitive but, it will help you to let go of what was to begin to accept what currently is. To grieve the loss, you may want to seek out a grief therapist like I did. I explained that my loss was ambigious and, she, in turn taught me how to grieve this kind of loss. IT begins with forgiveness for, one can become angry, resentful, and bitter that this happened to their spouse and has left their dreams in ashes. One may find they are angry at God as well as their spouse and this must be worked through and forgiveness must take place for true healing to occur.
For forgiveness to happen, you may have to try writing a letter to God, first, and put in the letter all of your feelings that include betrayl of trust, bitterness, resentment, anger and depression. Tell God how unfair you feel He is being! IT's okay, He can take it! Just vent on God! Then, when you are done, then, begin to try to forgive God for allowing this to happen to you and your spouse. Just tell Him how sorry you are for all of your feelings and ask for His help to do this and to accept what is . Ask Him to teach you how to love your new spouse as He loves Him.
Then, after forgiving God, it is time to forgive your spouse. Now, this sounds selfish and strange but, face it, you are angry at him/her for becoming brain injured. It's okay for it hurts! You are disappointed and that is okay! You are only human and you have suffered a great loss. So, write another letter expressing all of your anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain then, ask God to help you to forgive your spouse. By forgiving him or her, you now open yourself up to God to allow Him to help you love your spouse the way He loves him/her.
Now, it's time to forgive yourself and to let go of all of the survivor's guilt! One must learn to move on with their lives without feeling guilty or afraid. One needs to give their guilt, fear and pain to God and allow Him to replace it with grace, love and healing.
The Bible says that I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens Me. With Christ, you can live with traumatic brain injury but, without Him, it is impossible for Christ gives you His grace, strength, love, wisdom, and provision and most of all His presence to live with your spouse who has suffered from traumatic brain injury. He will also give you people who will help you bear your burdens and will offer you comfort and support. Finally, He will give you a voice to speak out and educate the public about traumatic brain injury and to be their advocate. You will become a Hope Bearer !
May God Bless you and Give you Grace and May He bless your marriage.