Breaking Up with Dignity

It’s never easy to break up. When it’s your decision, you hurt the other person. If it’s the other’s decision, you get hurt. What comes around goes around for sure. Nobody enjoys breaking up, whatever the reason. You’ve tried everything: from reading self-help books to watching Oprah, to therapy and counselling- you even threatened to empty a bottle of sleeping pills once – yet nothing changes. One day you’re okay, the very next day you’re back to your normal squabbling and shouting match routine. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be, so a looming break up becomes a reality that you have to face. nn You owe it both to yourselves to have a final goodbye, after all. It doesn’t have to get nasty, too. Here’s how: Be a man (or woman) and face the inevitable. It’s pointless to go on with a relationship that’s fast becoming hazardous. Accept the truth that it’s over: do yourself a favor and deal with it. The sooner you cut yourself loose from one another, the better. Just don’t do it on her birthday, please. “It’s me, not you”. This line is probably the most used break-up line in the English language. Although this is easier to say than telling him that he is sloppy and immature, it is always better to be honest. nnYou may not want to further hurt his feelings, but, being honest will make him understand your reasons. Avoid playing the blame game—just be tactful and be done with it. Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it. Wait until you have a formal break up before going out with your hot new neighbor. This is the worst thing ever that you can do. Be a self-respecting individual and tell her that it’s never going to work out between the two of you. Treat her as you would want to be treated if the tables were turned. nnBesides, your new girl will always have that shadow of a doubt in her head that you might do the same thing to her. Listen to what the other person has to say. Imagine yourself being dumped—of course you’ll have questions too! Hear him out, but be strong in your decision. Don’t forget that you have specific reasons for breaking up with the person. Answer his questions and explain further if he still doesn’t get it but remain strong and resolute. Don’t give in to feelings of guilt when he starts to plead and bargain with you. You will only end up hating the person because he made you stay. nnJust move on with your life and start seeing other people again. Location, location, location! Finding the right place for a break up is important—it could be a little dramatic, so you wouldn’t want to do it at her house. Doing it in a restaurant is not a very smart move, too. In fact, anyplace public is never a good choice. A place with little traffic (a secluded spot on the park, maybe) and a bit of privacy is a good choice. Plus, she can cry her eyes out without getting humiliated for getting dumped. End the relationship in a civil, if not pleasant manner. nnControl your temper and stop the fighting. It’s your last time together—stop telling him that it’s his fault. It won’t change anything, anyway. Breaking up is always painful, but never give him the satisfaction of knowing that your world stopped spinning just because you can’t be together anymore. Say goodbye with dignity—you owe yourself that.