Communications Techniques: What Works Best?

There is an abundance of communication skill training in the marketplace. How can you choose the best communication technique for you? Effective communication methods consistently have certain underlying characteristics. Whether that is a conscious choice or not (I believe some programs touch on cornerstone principles by accident), basic principles matter. While we're all unique, we still manage to have our own style of communicating. The best communication skill training courses rise to the top when put to the test of: Does it Work?

I promote using positive, simple tools to create positive, consistent results. Every time we can identify what doesn't work; defined as 'negative habits', we can replace them with 'positive techniques'. Ta-da! Success! Ineffective, non-productive habits tend to cause pain in others or at a minimum be non-productive. We feel the backlash when we use behaviors that create chaos, pain, block communication or cause people to shut us out.

Example: Negative habits like accusing, blaming, shouting, demeaning, domineering comments, threats, put-downs, complaining are not likely to get us what we want. Yet these and many more 'negative' habits are used all the time. We can see our world turn around when we pause, take responsibility, and choose to use a positive approach.

Here is a very basic example. If you say to a child, “Don't slam the door”. The picture placed in the child's mind, because of the words he hears are 'slam the door'. That statement, repeated over and over is more likely to reinforce unwanted behavior: slamming the door. Now if you choose to use a statement that includes the result you're after, the result is more likely to be different. Now you say, “Please close the door gently, the baby is sleeping”. What's likely to happen? Can you hear the difference?

With little effort, we can start to practice asking for what we want, using positive words and ideas, vs. focusing on what we don't want. As we do this we'll witness more productive outcomes all day long. This is the kind of skill that 'rings true' with people, especially when the see instant positive results. That immediate productive feedback motivates people to remember and use effective communication tools.

We all want to feel competent. We all want to do things correctly. We don't intentionally go out of our way to annoy people. We don't mean to foil our own efforts to live a productive life. Communicating well does not come naturally for many people because of habits we learned as children. If the adults who influenced us most had poor communication habits, odds are we use many of the same techniques today.

We can adjust your approach and turn conversations into a productive, sharing of ideas.

Simple communication skills and an easy test that tells you if your message falls into the 'positive' or 'negative' category, is an effective approach that resonates on many levels with users. Speaking with power is not about force. It's about respecting yourself and your listener for optimum results.