Creating Your Ideal Relationship

Ahhh, February! The time of year when shiny, red hearts appear in store windows, and cupid smiles down at you while you eat an egg and cheese sandwich at your local coffee shop. Every where you look, there’s chocolate and flowers, champagne and strawberries, diamonds and lingerie, even teddy bears and love poems! What a wonderful sight to see.

However for some, even surrounded by all the love, this Hallmark holiday is laced with pressure and disappointment. It is during this time of year more than ever that people are looking for relationship guidance. Either, “How do I get meaningful one?” or “How do I improve the one I’m in?”

When faced with relationship dilemmas, it may seem natural to place the attention on your partner’s perceived faults and/or desired qualities. You may say “I wish my wife would be more like this or do more of that.” If you’re single, it might be “I want a man who is A, B, and C.” But, keep in mind that a successful relationship is a true partnership and does not only depend upon that which the other person brings to the table; you are involved, as well.

I’ve often heard that it’s a good idea to make a detailed description of what you are looking for in a partner. However, I’d like to suggest that you get clear on what you are looking for in a partnership. This can allow you to let go of the superficial details of a potential partner and move on to what is created when the two of you get together.

Before I found my husband, I had a list and a pretty good picture in mind of the kind of guy I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I would meet and even date many guys who matched this description. But, the relationships never went anywhere (at least not anywhere I wanted to be), and I was left feeling unsatisfied and alone.

Then one day I decided to focus on the kind of relationship I really wanted versus the guy himself. Once I got a clear picture, I was able to pass up guys who made my heart beat fast, but were not interested in the relationship I had in mind. And, when the perfect fit did appear, I was able to identify him and say “Yes” when he asked me to grab some coffee.

Even when you have found the one for you, it’s still important to keep the relationship in mind. When things aren’t going so great, it can be easy to say, “I’m mad because he doesn’t do anything around the house and just takes me for granted!” But again, that is focusing on the other person, not the relationship. You can turn it around to say “I want a relationship where I feel appreciated, and we can talk things out so they are great for both of us.” Now, instead of just complaining, you’ve got a positive focus to work towards.

You can have a lasting partnership where you feel free to be yourself, or, you can have a few wild nights filled with passion, presents, or whatever you think you want in a relationship. Just remember that it is a relationship between two people, and that finding a person who meets a list of criteria is not a guarantee that the relationship you want will follow. As the old saying goes, be careful what you ask for because you just might get it. So, take a moment and put some thought into what you really want in an ideal relationship.