Stepping Out Of The Box

Helping ourselves live more fully often requires us to "step out of the box". Usually, we live our lives based upon tired old concepts and end up making haphazard choices. The truth is, however, that the perfect life will arise from the space in our heart that is beyond all mental concepts, all preconceived notions. We may be lucky and live a "good" life using our intellect but if we can learn to access our heart, our everyday life experience will be taken from the realm of "just getting by" to one of intimate connection with all of life.

I had an amazing experience many years ago that gave me one of my first glimpses into the incredible power of stepping "out of the box."

I was just out of high school and enjoying the summer days before starting college. I was the coach of our local Explorer Post's canoe team and one of its racers, as well. Most of our team was made up of my friends and we felt a great camaraderie with one another.

To meet racing expenses and to help pay for college, I had taken on a job as a sales clerk in a small auto parts store not far from my house. I lived in a small town in Texas and most of the customers were good ol' boys - farmers, ranchers and kids I'd gone to school with. Every so often, a stranger from out-of-town would come in looking for a part for his troubled car to keep him going on down the Interstate. And from time-to-time, a salesman would come in selling the latest and greatest all-in-one mechanic's tool or a line of pine-scented air-fresheners.

One morning, a salesman came in looking for the owner. I was the only one minding the store at the time as the morning flow of customers rarely warranted more than one clerk. I told the fellow, who seemed nice enough, that the owner would be in that afte
oon. He said okay and told me he'd be back after lunch.

He was a good-natured man, probably in his late 40's or early 50's, with slightly graying hair at the temple. He spoke in a jovial manner and chatted for a bit about nothing in particular. He struck me as the kind of fella who probably never had done much physical labor or participated in any sports. He was not quite a nerd; more just a typical, middle-aged family man.

The whole time he was talking, I was busy finding a water pump for a 75 Chevy Camaro for a customer who had called in earlier that morning. I wasn't real focused on what he was saying, just enough to carry my side of the chitchat.

Finally, he got up to leave and as he did, he extended his hand. Without thinking, I gave him a "bro grip" clasping his thumb with my thumb in the handshake of kids and sports heroes. It took him, and me, completely by surprise.

At first, I was a little embarrassed at having shaken his hand so informally. The guys on my canoe team and I were constantly "slappin' skin" and shaking hands like that but I never offered a stranger that kind of acknowledgment. And when I looked at this salesman's face, I could tell no one had ever shaken his hand like that before. He was touched and I saw his eyes moisten a bit as we both smiled and laughed at the sudden spontaneity.

After he left, I thought about what had happened. I realized that in my pre-occupation with finding the water pump for the Camero, I had inadvertently stepped out of the box of conditioning. And when I did, I performed an action with such purity and freedom that its power leaped across a generation and touched the life of another human being. I don't think this salesman had much opportunity to feel connected to a group of young kids; but that afte
oon, an innocent handshake had brought him into the gang and his day was made better for it.

It's all about pretension; we spend so much energy throughout the day pretending we are somebody we aren't. We base our day-to-day interactions with friends and strangers alike on conditions and precepts that we learned from others - parents, teachers, friends - who themselves were conditioned. We have all been living in a box that stifles creativity, spontaneity, and a freedom of action that has a real power to transform the lives of others. This does not say that there is not a place for appropriateness; it does say that there is a better way to live.

I went home that day reflecting on my life and who I was. That reflection continued through the years and bit by bit I have let go of a false identity and more and more embraced another identity; one that is free to act without expectation, desire, fear or condition. It's only from this place of freedom that I really start to live. And I wouldn't want it any other way.