Dealing With Money Issues in a Relationship

“Love is all that matters faithful and forever, keepin’ us together, love is all we need.” Anybody older than 30 (or even younger) might be familiar with this song which was popularized in the late ‘70’s to early ‘80’s. Various artists have since rendered their own version of the song, making the line “love is all that matters” a household name for a happy relationship. But, is love all that matters? Our world today is an economically-driven one, where money issues are important in almost every human relationship. For many couples, it is a main source of anxiety and relationships are easily affected. nnAfter all, human relationships are much more complicated than filing an income tax return or having a savings account. Needless to say, money issues are a major cause of marital breakdown, especially with the economic crises that a lot of countries are facing today. Many families are finding it hard to make ends meet, even if both spouses are working on two jobs, if they could find any. Money is scarce, jobs fewer, which make a lot of families worry about finances on a regular daily basis. This, of course, adds to the worries of everyday life, and consequently to the increasing number of failed marriages and divorce. nnSo, it’s not just love, is it? Because financial security matters-- a lot. Money issues are always sensitive, but it should not be altogether avoided. Some couples prefer not to talk about it because it only leads to fights. But, arguments should be taken positively, because being able to talk and agree about money is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. Men and women are different in almost everything, especially in handling finances. Men are often risk-takers, and are not inclined to save for the rainy days. For them, self-esteem and financial security goes hand-in-hand-- lots of money means high self-esteem. nnOn the other end, women see money as their security blanket. Financial problems would leave them in terror, thus the need for a stash of cash, “just in case”. Money, just as anything else in the relationship, requires both spouses’ involvement. Although it is common that one spouse handles all the finances, it is better for both spouses to be responsible for drawing up the budget. This way, both of you will have a way of understanding each other’s needs and wants. Separate bank accounts are normal in a relationship, but there should also be a joint account solely for the house. nnPast financial problems should also be accounted for, but leave it where it should be—the past. Avoid blaming one another for past financial setbacks, instead, learn a lesson from it and start anew. How your parents and associates handle their money is their own business—this is yours’ and your partners’ issue, not theirs. One common cause of conflict is when one spouse makes a major purchase without telling the other person. If it’s supposed to be a surprise, and money is of no concern, then there’s nothing to worry about. But, imagine how your spouse would feel if you suddenly arrived with a brand-new car, when you got one only two years ago! Children, if you have any, should also be included in financial discussions. nnAfter all, they would still sense anxiety in the family when financial problems arise. Remember, marriage is a teamwork. Both spouses should be involved in handling the finances, from day-to-day needs to those requiring major decision-making. An open line of communication and knowing when to compromise is important. Financial security is very important in a relationship, but it should not be the basis of your commitment and love to each other.