Depression... A Case Of Avoiding & Pretending

Avoiding and pretending are acquired skills. For some it’s an art. Both overlook and ignore what you don’t want to deal with, allowing you to believe you’re okay when you’re not. An ostrich is great symbol for avoidance. Sticking his head in the sand, he pretends to be invisible. He believes he’s hiding, not realizing the rest of his body is in plain sight. He’s clueless that putting his head in the sand doesn’t help. nnYou can’t hide from your problems either. Nothing goes away by pretending it doesn’t exist. It can’t. Why? There is no resolution, no relief. The itch hasn’t been scratched. Actually, when you avoid it gets worse. Taking flight increases problems. Fighting feeds them and resistance builds them.nnWhat you run from is frightening. Why else would you run? Only fear makes you hide. Too much discomfort dealing with things head on. That’s the crux of the matter. Depression is the refusal to acknowledge and allow feelings. Ordinarily gauze cannot harm you, but wrapped from head to toe you are immobilized. Avoiding has the same effect. Factually, avoiding or ignoring is admission something exists.nnHere’s another example. You walk out the door, look down and see a rattlesnake curled up. “Ahhh!” you scream inside, not wanting to startle the snake. Your heart is racing. What to do? Pretend the snake isn’t there and continue walking? Or, would you ignore the problem. Stay home all day, hoping the snake will go away? You couldn’t relax. Even if the snake moved you’d worry about being ambushed. nnYou want to feel safe, the sooner the better. But until the rattlesnake is removed, you’re going to experience stress, anxiety and fear. Within seconds you grab the Yellow Pages. Critter Control catches your eye. Pleading, you ask them to physically remove the snake. Ahhh… peace of mind! You want security at all cost. nnThe same holds true in life. No matter what the price, facing problems permanently rids you of them. You can hope they’ll disappear, but they won’t. Deal with them for a lasting solution. Visualize yourself as a powerful magnet. Those things that supposedly don’t bother you are metal filings. What happens? That’s why you can’t avoid. The strength of your magnetic field increases the faster you flee, automatically drawing more filings. nnFear surrounds want you don’t want to deal with, and that fear needs addressing. Procrastinating offers temporary relief, but it’s flimsy. Ignoring problems is self-deception. Creates nervous energy, makes you fidgety. Feelings of failure, conflict and self-rejection grind away the quality of life. Stop refusing to be Self-important. You count. You matter.nnWhy the internal conflict? Believing something can do you in, that a particular outcome can devastate or destroy. That’s why things are overlooked. No matter what size problem, the power given to external circumstances is mind-boggling. nnYou learned to avoid confrontation. It scared you. Now you must learn there is nothing to fear. Skirting an issue? Ask why. Question reasons for avoiding. Find answers for uneasiness. It’s just a bad habit. Individually, each of us is responsible for any emotional damage that occurs. No one can get inside you to do anything. You allow another’s thoughts, feelings or words to hurt you, no matter how it appears. The same holds true for them. nnTrust yourself. Trust your feelings. Learn to face fear. Take appropriate action. Otherwise situations repeat themselves. Life is relentless. Address fear. It’s easier in the long run. Avoiding wastes time. Self-reliance breeds the security, independence and confidence necessary to stand undivided within yourSelf. End the chase and win the race by being honest. If you don’t have faith in you, how can anyone else? nnFor further information: Patricia Zerman founded the Atlanta Center for Attitudinal Awareness in 1988, a safe environment that teaches how to risk living what self-help books talk about with proven results! (www.patzerman.com or www.tacfaa.com), and recently wrote, Twelve Guaranteed Ways To Stay Miserable (Or Change): An illustrated humorous book that take a poignant look at what we do to ourselves and how to stop it! (www.twelveguaranteedwaystostaymiserableorchange.com) nnAvoiding and pretending are acquired skills, basically self-deception. Until feelings are resolved stress, anxiety and fear will be experienced. Depression is the refusal to acknowledge and allow feelings, so face problems. Stop refusing to be important. You learned to avoid confrontation. It scared you. Now it’s time to face fear. Trust yourself. Trust your feelings. Avoiding wastes time. Self-reliance breeds security, independence and confidence so you can stand undivided within yourself!nnnnnnnnnnnnnn