Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Of all the gifts that you can give your child, the gift of self-esteem can prove to be the greatest one—it will allow her to feel good about herself no matter what life throws her way. In a world that cares so much about image that it has spawned its own skewed version of beauty, self-esteem is one of the most important factors to personal achievement, forming friendships, and creating happiness. Here are some ways that you can help promote your child’s self-esteem. It all starts with you. As parents, we have a unique sphere of influence over our children. In their younger years, children can be very impressionable and tend to mirror what they see. More often than not, children develop a form of hero worship for their parents, and want to be like them. So encouraging your child to feel good about herself while giving off "I-don’t -like-myself" vibes when you look in the mirror might not be the best idea. Stay positive. It will do wonders for you, and for your child as well. Keep realistic expectations. Pressuring children to perform at too-high levels can backfire. The closer the match is between her "perceived self" (how she sees herself right now) and her "ideal self" (how she would like to be ideally), the higher her self-esteem will be. If you (or she) set the bar too high, disappointment will inevitably result. Allow your child to express herself. Whether she is the type who loves to dress up and act like a princess or the type who loves activity and is always looking for fun, give her the freedom to express herself. For example, if she’s very girly and loves pretending to be a princess, get her pretty hair accessories to adorn her hair when she plays dress-up. Build a hair accessory collection together so she has a hair clip to match whatever she decides to wear. Accept your child for who she is. Encourage her to embrace her unique qualities. Let her know that the world would be such a boring place if everyone looked and acted the same. Don’t compare. It is never helpful to compare your child with others, whether with her own siblings or to other children. Doing this will only develop or instill insecurities, promote jealousy and lead to resentment. Be careful even when buying baby gifts for your children. You might not notice that you are giving more to one child than to the other, but they certainly will. Encourage your child to try new things. Achieving something for the very first time gives her self-esteem a boost. When you see that she’s struggling and is starting to get frustrated at something, resist the temptation of jumping in too soon. You might rob her of the sense of accomplishment that comes with the mastery of a new skill. It might be as simple as styling her own hair with her own choice of hair clips. Allowing her to do it on her own and figuring out how to do it properly will help her develop independence. Spot the signs. Be on the lookout for warning signs of a self-esteem problem, which might include the following: an unwillingness to try new things for fear of failure; a difficulty in accepting praise or criticism; abandoning a task at the first sign of frustration; poor academic performance; decreased interest in socializing with friends; and consistently putting herself down.