Drinking Brown Sludge Equals the New Me??????

When I saw my fellow health coach, Stacy, advertise her cleanse, I was intrigued and repelled all at the same time. I was intrigued because everyone I knew was cleansing to get rid of the holiday pounds and repelled because I knew about cleanses and detoxes (and what I knew I didn’t like).

A few years back (still in my days of Diet Cokes and Venti skim lattes with 2 Splendas) I had been persuaded by one of my fellow Wall Street colleagues to cleanse with her. It was only a 3 day cleanse and I thought it couldn’t be that bad. I could do anything for 3 days! Ha!! Little did I know. This three day cleanse was more like a three day starvation.

The first day of the cleanse I received this cute little ice bag and six bottles of stuff. SIX! That’s all I was going to consume for three days? I knew it was going to be worth it because I was going to end the cleanse a new woman! Right? A better, happier, skinner version of me! YAHOO! The answer lay in these 6 magic bottles. I was a little skeptical at first, but for $180 they couldn’t be full of BS. Or could they?

The first bottle was muddy in color and smelled like the front lawn. My delicious skim Venti latte with Splenda was being replaced with this muddy “yummy juice”. OH MY GOD!! This stuff tasted awful. It made my eyes water (I still get a gag reflex just thinking about it). Wait was this supposed to taste good? Oh yeah, “it’s a cleanse.” Starvation, deprivation and yuck in a bottle. But it was worth it, I was going to emerge the new me, I kept telling myself.

The next bottle wasn’t unbearable, but there wasn’t much to it. The flavor was lemonade and cayenne pepper. By now I was starving. Lunch couldn’t come soon enough. Really???? Lunch was another dirt juice. I had to chug it to get it down, because it tasted so bad, but it cured my hunger (for a bit). The next juice was beautiful and ruby red, but when I looked at the label I saw it was made from beets (maybe the one vegetable I can’t endure). I tried as hard as I could, but this one I just couldn’t get down. I’d rather be hungry and wait for dinner.

And dinner (you know where this is going)… ANOTHER SLUDGE DRINK (holy s#$^@t, I paid money to drink this stuff for three days?)! Dessert was the best, I have to admit, delectable almond milk and cinnamon. If I closed my eyes I could imagine it was rice pudding. The last juice of the day was my reward for all the mud and sludge, but my head was pounding so hard from no caffeine, my belly was growling from hunger. I was so miserable I just wanted to cry.

DAY ONE DONE

I wish I could tell you day two and three were easier, but in fact the opposite was true. Maybe it was because I knew how awful those three mud drinks and red juices were. Maybe it was because I knew I would be starving all day. I really don’t know why, but it didn’t get any easier. In fact, by the end of day two I almost quit. My only saving grace was that I was too cheap to waste $60 dollars.

When the cleanse was over I did feel amazing and my jeans were definitely looser. This was magic. I treated myself to a martini that night and followed up with dinner at a Chinese restaurant. By the next morning I was back to my Venti skim latte and within two days my jeans were tight and my memory of the cleanse was long gone (thank God). What did I learn? What did I accomplish? Not much.

So filled with bravado, (after all I’m a health coach and I know how to eat well) and the knowledge of how not to detox, I decided to find the perfect one. After doing much research I came up with an amazing 12 day cleanse and decided to give it a try. This wasn’t about starving myself and drinking god awful muddy drinks. This was about educating myself about weaning my body away from some of my favorite vices. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t miserable. I ate three meals a day and had two snacks. By day three I started to feel energized and amazing. By day twelve I felt like a new woman. The best was that I learned how to eat even healthier tha
I was eating. I LEARNED that I was able to give up some vices that I had been my friends for a very long time. I formed new habits that I am incorporating, even now into my everyday life. I finished the cleanse more nourished and educated than ever before.

So what’s my point? My point is that we can all detox and cleanse and learn how to incorporate healthy eating into our diets. If you already eat healthy, the right detox and cleanse can help you shed a vice or two or show you new ways to eat even healthier. If you are looking to start on a journey of healthy eating, the right detox and cleanse can begin to show you the steps to take. The right cleanse can do this without starving you or making you drink the front lawn.

Give me twelve days and a commitment and my detox and cleanse will make you feel like a new woman (or man). Get nourished, educated, healthy, glowing and even lose a few pounds.
12 DAYS. It’s not forever, it’s not a lifetime. It’s an investment in yourself. Aren’t you worth it?
Come check out my cleanse and detox. No mud, sludge or starvation involved.

Oh yeah (my turn to brag)… It’ s been almost two months and I still haven’t had a cup of coffee. If I can give up one of my most beloved friends, so can you.