Emotional Infidelity: A Serious Heartbreaker

So you strike up a friendship with another man through email, chat, text, or at the workplace, talking by the water cooler at break time. You don’t think there’s anything wrong with opening up and sharing intimate details about your life with this person even though you are married. You think that for as long as no sex is involved, it shouldn’t be suspect. Well, think again. You’re committing what is called Emotional Infidelity and, frankly, it’s hardly benign. First of all, cheating in any form is a clear indication of trouble in your marriage. Left unresolved, it may lead to more serious complications, including separation or divorce. nnWhen you seek the company of another person other than your spouse, you are in effect trying to patch up holes in your marriage—holes that you refuse to admit are there or you ignore because it’s the easiest thing to do. Perhaps your husband works overtime a lot, or he travels out-of-town frequently, and you feel he’s inaccessible. You don’t talk as much as you did before, and even when you do, communication is not achieved. However, this shouldn’t stop you from trying harder. You’re still better off investing more time in your long-term commitment rather than fritter time away with another man. nnYou may not realize this, but emotional infidelity is far more binding and complicated than a physical affair. You know as well as everyone else that sex can happen without warning between two emotionally unattached--if not inebriated--people, but the sharing of thoughts and feelings require a deeper connection that’s not easily set aside or forgotten. And this is why emotional cheating is injurious to any relationship. In the beginning, it could be a fun, flirty diversion, but one that can quickly escalate to a full-blown affair that puts your marriage in great danger of collapsing. In addition, physical intimacy has been redefined with the advent of the Internet. nnIt is no longer confined to the bedroom, skin-to-skin; it can now be consummated with the use of technology. Though a lot of people may scoff at cybersex as laughable or absurd, in truth, it takes emotional infidelity to a whole new level, and a more sophisticated one at that. Cybersex makes it possible for a married person to be intimate with someone right in the home without having to pay for a hotel room or even dinner! Sadly, because it is convenient and almost guilt-free (again, there is no physical consummation), a growing number of spouses are succumbing to it. nnDon’t fool yourself into believing that sharing secrets or discussing aspirations with a co-worker of the opposite sex is absolutely harmless; it is so easy to forget boundaries when you’re having a good time. If you feel you’re about to embark on uncharted territory, or when you start feeling a growing attraction for your so-called friend, take a moment to consider how this works around your marital status. Ask yourself the question: Can I be honest with my spouse about this friendship I have outside of our marriage? If the answer is no, then you probably have a Pandora’s Box—get rid of it quickly. nnEmotional infidelity undermines trust and respect in a marriage. Instead of trying to find a proxy spouse, try rekindling the friendship from which your marriage began. Validate your love for him or her even as you avoid forging personal relationships outside your long-term commitment. Recognize that there’s a great friendship to be enjoyed with your Significant Other that you can’t get anywhere else.