***Empower or Enable

Do you enable or empower the people around you?nnImagine for a moment that you’re having a bad day. Not too hard to do right, as we’ve all had them. Imagine now calling someone close to you, that you are needing to talk to, to help you though it. You tell them all the thoughts and feelings you’re having. The tough time at work, or the difficulties with your teenager or the argument you had with your spouse. Everything just doesn’t seem to be going the way you want it to. Money’s tight, work is slow, and home life just down right sucks. Your friend says, “Suck it up and quit your complaining. It could be worse. What about the poverty in Africa or the war in Russia? You don’t have it so bad.” Does this make you feel better or worse?nnHave you ever heard the saying “I was complaining of my shoes, until I saw the man with no feet?” Now, I agree, things could always be worse. Somewhere someone has it worse. However, does that change our reality? After all, we are living our life not someone else’s. Whatever is happening to us, at that moment is real and doesn’t feel so great. Does denying that or focusing on another’s reality change yours? NO! Right now in this place, in this moment , this reality sucks. Does someone telling you that you don’t have it so bad empower you, or enable you? Think about the opposite. If someone was to communicate on an understanding level, where they empathize and understand, would that make you feel better or worse?nnI ask you this so you will think before you speak when someone is sharing their moment of despair, sadness, disappointment or whatever with you. Doesn’t it feel like a slap in the face when someone basically tells you that what you are feeling isn’t important or real? I’m sure your answer is yes. Are you thinking “yes, but if I indulge them in their sadness aren’t I just enabling them to wallow in their pessimism?” I personally don’t think so. I think when I am given the forum and the safe place to share my real true feelings and have a sympathetic or understanding ear I feel better and able to move through it faster. Many times just having a shoulder to lean on is enough to help you see through the darkness and reach the light. It allows me to focus on the solution, instead of the problem. I think that is empowering, not enabling. nnWhich do you prefer? Do you prefer to have the cold, swift kick in the rear or do you prefer an understanding lending ear?nnI ask you to think about this question, “Do I empower or enable?” Don’t you want to be the one who helps someone see the light at the end of the tunnel instead of being the one who says your thoughts and feelings, and quite frankly your reality, aren’t important because someone else’s is worse? I believe if you empower other then you can change the world. nnFor more information visit www.sharspeaks.com