Even Mentors Need Mentors and Get Out of Whack Sometimes

Looking back (which I do only for this article), I can see how I allowed it to start and to build. I remember reading a book that contained a story very similar to a painful experience in my life over twenty years ago. I kept reading. I allowed myself to go back and dig through the painful memories. I even retold the story to some friends who had never heard it before. With every bit of that, I let go of my joyful, ebullient mood. I could feel it happening and still continued to delve back into the old pain. Then, I got all out of whack with my ex-husband, basically going back into arguments we've been having for years. Next, I started to manifest physical symptoms. All my joints felt like they were on fire, and by then, I realized that I had really let myself get out of whack and that I was ready to shift my energy. What I was ready for, it turns out, was much deeper! I did a few things to try to clean up my energetic act, but my heart wasn't really in it. I was easing back into some old "pity party" patterns of behavior that I haven't indulged in in YEARS. So, the pain did not go away. And, now I had a new excuse to focus negatively. Finally, yesterday morning, I felt a new resolve to clean up my energy, to "get back to joy." I was standing in my kitchen, thinking I needed to shift my focus onto something else. I saw an umbrella stand sitting on my lawn that I'd meant to move back to my patio and thought "there! I'll move that with the intention of basking in the good feeling of accomplishment when I get it moved." I went outside and started to move it, but with my painful joints, I was not having fun. I was not allowing myself to bask (ahead of time) in the joy of the accomplishment. I started to slip back into grumpiness. I could feel it happening and decided to let go of the umbrella stand -- which I had been rolling on its side since it is quite heavy. When I let go, it righted itself, and the umbrella pole WHACKED ME IN THE FACE. For a couple seconds, I had a wee little pity fest, another "WOE IS ME" moment and then thought, "I need help." For whatever reason, I am not making this happen for myself. I am going to contact a mentor. And, the Universe started to line things up for me. I texted for an appointment "do you have some time this morning?" "Yes, how about in half an hour?" YIPPEE!! The conversation started off slowly because I was still out of whack but bit-by-bit through the conversation, I started to let go of my tight grip on those bad feelings and started to allow the joy to flow more and more again, and by the end of the call, I felt really pretty great. AND, I had several revelations and deepenings of understandings through the process that I will share in my next blog -- all about looking to the future and not trying to "get back to" anything -- not even joy!! I live my life in joy so much of the time now that it is truly startling and discombobulating when I allow myself to shift out of joy. Each time it happens, I learn more about joy and how to live there -- so it is all good. Even mentors get out of whack sometimes and need the help of their own mentors. It is so wonderful that there are infinite options for feeling better out there. Reach for something that feels better. If that doesn't work -- try something else!