Extreme Self-care For Babyboomers With Aging Parents

We are the sandwich generation…caught between our aging parents and young adult children often. How to be everything to everyone? It’s simple - we can’t be! And the person who falls through the cracks is usually the one who’s doing the parenting of both the elders and the grown kids.

It is a milestone when an aged parent goes into care. Often it’s a decision that has come slowly and with difficulty, as the parent may not be willing to ‘give in’ and leave their own place and/or the mid-life child may feel it’s not appropriate for their parent to be in care…may even feel guilty.

It may finally be a feeling of relief when the elderly Mom or Dad goes into a care facility. Or there may be a long process of grief that follows the parents’ move because it’s another step nearer to the final one. In any case, the duties of the adult child caregiver do not end once the parent is ensconced in a facility. The parent then needs a ‘point woman’, an advocate, to ensure that she or he is receiving the best care in all areas.

This is where extreme self-care for us, the caregiver comes in. Sometimes out of our caring we go overboard and try to make their life perfect. It is not possible; no situation is perfect. Think of it as akin to ‘good enough parenting of kids’. Do your best, then let it go.

We need to ask for what we need. It may be a friendly ear to listen to our feelings of letting go of our parent to yet another degree or perhaps issues around their care. We may need to hire paid visitors for our parent because we can’t visit as often as we’d like to. (In my experience there are many capable, loving people available for visits; sometimes small businesses provide this service).

There is no easy answer. But give some careful thought to this, brain storm, sort it out, and put all the supports you need in place to give your parent a good quality of life while still having some energy left for you!

Note: I write this after spending about 10 years dealing with my own mother’s gradual decline. At the time of this writing, she has just turned 86 and seems content with her life.