Forgiveness And Healing

The perennial philosophy, which contains the essence of all religions, affirms that we are all one and the same, and that we are Love. All the great Masters convey this same message. Deep in our hearts, they tell us, we all have an unbreakable connection to the great Source of Love. Some of us call it God, some Source, some The Creator – the name does not matter. What matters is that this is the truth.nnIf we are Love at essence, then why do we have problems and suffer? Because we don’t believe that we are Love. We believe we are guilty, separated individuals. In our unconscious minds we hide negative beliefs about ourselves, which we then project onto other people and events. nnIn my 17 years as a psychologist and clinical counsellor, I have observed in my clients and in myself a universal unconscious desire to punish ourselves, our parents or other figures in our lives by suffering, by not being fully joyful and peaceful. This toxic desire is often subtle; nobody would ever suspect it. However, it is very much there and it erodes our joy and vitality.nnOur desire to suffer may take many different forms – not wanting to have sex with our partner, physical illness, physical and emotional pain, self-sabotaging patterns, financial problems, compulsions and addictions, low self-esteem, lack of joy, or anything else that does not feel good. It may even take the form of not pursuing in life what we really would love to do, but choosing instead to do work which feels unfulfilling to us.nnHere is a fictitious example. My client, James, has had tremendous difficulty earning a living. After we explored this pattern in a session, he and I discovered that unconsciously he wanted to show his parents that they harmed him, that they treated him unfairly, and that his sad predicament was their fault. By not growing up and taking care of himself, James wanted to prove that he was not responsible for himself, that he was an innocent victim of his parents’ mistreatment, and that it was their responsibility to resolve his problems. No wonder he wasn’t able to move forward in his life! But once James’ self-defeating desire was acknowledged and cleared from his unconscious mind he immediately felt better and lighter and able to take the necessary steps to increase his income.nnWe can spend our whole lives unconsciously imprisoning our parents (or other authority figures) with our unhappiness, standing guard in front of the prison, making sure they don’t get released. But we are the ones who are the prisoners. We are the ones incarcerating ourselves with our false beliefs, not anyone else. nnIn our conscious mind, most of us know that we are responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions. Regardless of what happened to us when we were little, now that we are adults it is up to us to deal with our minds and whatever negative messages they are conveying. It is our beliefs, most of which are unconscious, that create our lives, including our suffering, our problems, and the areas in which we are stuck.nnThis may be disconcerting news for some readers, and yet it is actually good news. Why? Because, although we cannot change the past or the other people in our lives, we can change our minds. And that is the true source of healing.nnWhat can you do right now to heal your own desire to punish yourself or others in some way?nnYou may want to begin by writing down what is bothering you in your life: suffering, areas of procrastination, obsessions, etc. Next, go back through your whole life and list those people and events that still give rise to negative feelings, mostly parents, siblings and partners. nnThen, one by one, choose to forgive each person for what you believe he or she has done to hurt you. This forgiveness is not about declaring, “Even though you were a bastard, I am a spiritual person and better than you, so I forgive you now.” That is not forgiveness. Real forgiveness occurs when we recognize that nregardless of what the person did, it did not touch, taint, hurt, diminish or harm in any way the deep Peace and Love inside of us; the Spirit that we are. We understand that the actions from this person have been motivated by his/her own fear and suffering, and that in reality, it was not against us. From the Love perspective, this person has not affected us. We are still whole and complete; nothing has been lost or damaged. When we recognize this, we can choose to fully let go of old resentment and hurt, thus freeing ourselves to move on with our lives, and embrace the Love that we really are. The Love that we have been all along.nnCopyright 2007nnMarlise Witschi, M.Psych.nRegistered Clinical CounsellornWhistler&West Vancouvern604-938-3620; 778-828-8773nwww.internalfreedom.comnnn