Career victim or career vulnerable?

If you've been hanging out in the self-help world, you have been told to "stop being a victim" and "take charge of your life." Being a victim means that you let someone else have power over you. You tolerate repeated insults, remain in a job you hate or revive old hurts on a daily basis.

Sometimes you do not act like a victim, but in fact you are vulnerable to becoming one. Have you ever had a bad day, when everything went wrong from the moment the alarm didn't go off, your ten-minute commute grew to thirty minutes due to a freak accident, you couldn't find the notes you needed for a meeting? On those days you're more vulnerable to traffic tickets, insults and arguments with your spouse.

"Getting out on the wrong side of the bed" means you start out stressed. Stressed-out people lose their keys and mis-interpret situations. It's better to stay home till you calm down.

Mandatory "cooling off" periods for marriage and shotgun licenses are supposed to protect you from your own emotions. Other laws protect buyers (in the US) of condominiums and funeral services. Recovering alcoholics are encouraged to wait a year before making major commitments. You need to legislate your own "cooling off" periods for career stress. Unexpected layoffs, transfers, policy changes and even promotions can generate emotions that cloud your judgment The most dangerous form of career vulnerability often goes unrecognized. If you're frustrated, marginalized or isolated in your career, you may congratulate yourself for "hanging on" and "toughing it out." Others compliment your strength and bravery.

If you've been hanging on awhile, you need to hang out with someone who can be objective. If you're tempted to confide in colleagues or bosses, invest instead in a career consultant or therapist. Under stress, you may fail to distinguish the trustworthy from the self-serving.

Coaches and consultants should recognize that people in transition are vulnerable. When someone is hungry for a new life, every word you utter will be chewed slowly, savored and digested. Vulnerable clients will ponder a trivial question as if it were a zen koan. They hear a mild suggestion as a strong piece of advice. Suggest they quit their jobs and become entrepreneurs and they'll be out the door, diving for disaster. When you realize you're vulnerable, be especially careful. Give yourself longer waiting periods before you commit. Take three days or a week to ponder major commitments. Instead of seeking guidance for long-term decisions, do whatever you can to restore calm to your life and your emotions. Feel powerful. Get comfortable with your intuition. Then, and only then, can you move forward. nnn