Got Friends?

Do you have friends? Of course you do. So do I. Do you see your friends? Do you grab lunches, take walks, chat on the phone? If your answer to these questions is yes, then Bravo! However, if you're like me, you may feel as if you don't have time to cultivate and nurture friendships.

The people that we meet when we are immersed in school or our first jobs, are the ones that become true friends because we have the luxury of time. Time to hang out, time to share ups and downs and time to share experiences.

And then, things change. We move or we have families and we get busy. We lose our ability to create friendships in this way, because we are missing an important ingredient: time.

You may say, so what? I have my husband, my kids and my job. I have colleagues and acquaintances. I talk to other mothers at my "Mommy and Me" class. Who has time for anything else?
I struggle with that kind of thinking too. I tell myself I should be working or doing the grocery shopping. I should be spending that time with my kids! It feels frivolous and down deep, I don't want to be "a lady who lunches." My life has purpose after all! Or does it? If I am trying to live life as an expression of my values, then where are my friends?

Recently, I have begun to appreciate how important friendship is. I see that my parents have a group of friends that they have cultivated over years of spending time with eachother; laughing, sharing experiences, commiserating, having fun and supporting. In other words, sharing their lives.

This has inspired me to take a look at this important part of my life that I have not been missing completely, but has not been as rich as I would like it to be. I have begun to take time to cultivate new friendships, and to renew old friendships.

I have a group of women who I meet for breakfast every thursday morning. It's just one hour and we are not all able to make it each week. We came together because we all have boys the same age, but this is no longer just about the kids. There is a consistency that has grown over the four years that we have been doing this, and I am reaping real benefits now; a group of women who are true friends. I am forever grateful to the woman who invited me to join this very special group of moms.

I realize now, that I am building equity in a friendship account that will yield dividends forever.

COACH ME QUICK TIPS FOR FRIENDSHP:
1. Contact old friends. Who was your best-friend in college? Renew the friendship by email and then plan a time to see each other.

2. Ask someone to lunch or take a walk. Maybe there is a mom at school or a co-worker, that you think is great or interesting? Start a friendship with someone new.

3. If you are married or have a family, find other couples to socialize with. Ask them to dinner or invite their family over for a BBQ with your family.

4. Cultivate some kind of a group that meets regularly. Figure out an activity like walking, seeing movies or meeting for a meal and invite some people that you think would get along or have something in common. Make it a weekly or monthly event.
It will take time. Is it worth finding the time to do it now, for a benefit down the road? It was for me. Maybe it will be for you too.