***Grief and Telling the Truth

While I would not say that I am a people pleaser, I would say that I prefer to avoid conflict. In fact, I really dislike conflict.nnThis desire to avoid conflict has led me to compromise my truth, especially after I lost my husband.nnSomeone would ask me how I was doing. At first I tried to be honest. Maybe I had just found something of meaning that belonged to my husband. Maybe I had been crying, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Maybe I had been missing our life together on the farm.nnI shared my honest feelings at first. Most of the time I felt more uncomfortable after sharing, primarily because the person inquiring seemed to be feeling more uncomfortable.nnI learned that expressing my honest feelings really seemed to be unproductive. I often felt frustrated by the encounter.nnI began to numb out and say I was OK when someone inquired. That way the emotional disconnect did not occur.nnOr did it?nnReflecting back now I believe I was sacrificing my truth in order that the inquiring person could feel better. If I said I felt OK, they could feel OK. Everything was OK.nnExcept, I did not express my truth. And I really cheated the other person out of hearing my truth.nnMy story is not unique. Our culture as a whole tends to deny grief and loss. It’s easier that way.nnThis denial really keeps us stuck in our grief. When feelings are dismissed or denied there is no healing or growth.nnSo…HOW ARE YOU REALLY FEELING?nnAcknowledgment of your feelings is the beginning of your MOVE BEYOND GRIEF. Acknowledgment leads to greater awareness, which in turn brings choices.nnYou have a choice of whether to share your feelings or keep them to yourself. This is your decision, based on what feels right for you. This is different from denying your reality in order that others will not feel uncomfortable.nnACKNOWLEDGE ACCEPT MAKE YOUR CHOICE.