Helping Teens Cope with Their Parent's Divorce

Adolescent years are supposed to be fun, but when adolescents have to deal with their parents’ divorce, it becomes a devastating roller-coaster ride. It is common for teens to assume that their parent’s divorce may be their fault. Feelings of regret for being unable to prevent the parent’s split-up are also common, which is often untrue, since a divorce is usually due to a couple’s conflicts. Divorce has a remarkable impact on a teen’s daily life. There will be a lot of changes that a teen has to get used to—moving to another school, spending time with each parent separately, and dealing with a parent’s ill feelings toward each other. nnA parent must have a plan of action to make things as easy as possible for the teen. Money will certainly be tight, and teens are keen on noticing this. Financial insecurity can cause fear and resentment, especially if they start thinking about how their future will be affected. Do we have to move to a smaller house and give up the car? Will I ever be able to go to college? These are the questions that teens would usually ponder on. Aside from adapting to new spending habits, new routines must be established, too. Bouncing between Mom and Dad may be extremely difficult, as it involves money, which is already hard to come by. nnParents need to make the kids understand that lesser money does not mean lesser love. A teen’s importance can be emphasized by establishing “affection routines”, such as constant communication and showing some love. Custody arrangements are never easy, but parent usually work out what’s best for the kids. Cooperation and honesty is essential, and whatever bitterness must be pushed aside for the sake of the kids. How can parents and teens work together to make divorce more tolerable? It is easier to deal with divorce when parents get along. Although couples can be naturally inclined to be bitter with one another, it is best to avoid arguing or fighting in front of the teens. nnVisiting arrangements must be handled in a way that would reduce the stress the kids may feel. Parents sometimes make the mistake of using their kids as baits for vengeful plots against a bitter spouse. Kids should be dealt with fairly, and should never be used as pawns by either parent. Although teens tend not to express their feelings and reactions, they will end up having mixed and conflicting messages about your one parent’s new relationship with his/her Ex. On the other hand, teens must also exercise fairness in dealing with the parent who has less involvement in their lives. nnEven if a parent is not that intimately involved with them, it hardly means that there is love lost between them. Keeping the communication channels open for everyone in the divorced family can be possible through counselors, family or great friends. Sometimes teens find it hard to open up to either parent, and may feel more comfortable talking to an unbiased professional that can take a closer look at the whole picture. Such professionals can easily give advice on how to maintain a healthy and nurturing environment for the teen. Dealing with divorce can be depressing, even for teens. Trusted family members and friends can provide support by listening to one’s feelings and reactions, which would eventually pass. nn There are also support groups for kids and teens going through their parent’s divorce that can help them talk to other kids who are going through the same situation. Divorce might look difficult at first, but teens will surely learn some things from the experience. It is important to keep an encouraging and positive relationship with them, and make them realize that they still have two parents in their lives.