How did I end up in this situation?

This is the third most common question that I am asked by clients. How did they get to this point in their life where everything seems to be falling apart. I have had to ask my self this question too several years ago. It was painful because I was in a very emotional and destructive situation with a sibling. I never felt that I did anything to deserve the cruel treatment. The truth is that my lack of action co created a bad situation that blew up into a pure disaster with legal ramifications. I felt like a true victim. I was at the point where I had to take a very risky action that could of ruined my life if it went sour. I had no choice, I was pushed to the edge and all that was left was faith and trust that what is meant to happen will. I did not want to take the risk earlier so it left me with a bigger mess and no choice but to risk it all.

This is where many people will find their self because of the fear of taking action. They will be left with no choice but to act. Many people do feel victimized or punished when something bad happens to them. The sad part is that most people are decent people with the best intentions. Their mistake was not addressing the issue when it was small. They waited until it blew up and was out of control with no other option but to deal with it. Their issue was not only chasing them but it was swallowing them up. I know first hand that avoidance does not work. It never has and it never will in any situation.

Many people will say that they are taking the high road or the spiritual route. They will also say that they are leaving it up to God to fix it but actually they are taking the avoidance route due to fear. Pure fear is what leads us into a situation that has blown up beyond our control.

HOW DOES A PERSON END UP IN A TERRIBLE SITUATION?r
There is no such thing as being blind sided. I hear it often from clients that they felt blind sided. They swear that they did not see it coming. The signs are always there we just have to choose to acknowledge the signs.r
1. Ignoring an issue because of fear of confrontation. Many people will say that they do not want to sweat the small stuff so they will just overlook the little things. Especially in relationships. There is the fear of communication so they just avoid the little signs that will eventually lead to a total breakdown of their relationship which can make it beyond repair due to not communicating.r
2. You see the signs but you hope that if you ignore them that they will go away on their own. So many people hope that the problem fixes itself. Impossible. Problems never fix on their own. I hear from women often that they want to know when will things get better. I tell them when they decide to make it better. That is not a favorite answer but it is the truth. Make your life better or accept that it will be the same misery until you do. If there is another woman involved, I am asked when will she go away. I tell them that she is a symptom of the bigger issue. again, address the problem and the symptoms will disappear.r
3.Fear of the other party being mad at you. Yes so many people fear others being mad at them because they are outsourcing for validation and approval.r
4. Fear of their partner leaving them. Abandonment issues makes a person tolerate a lot of bad things that are not acceptable due to fear of their partner leaving them if they speak up for their self.r
5. Lack of action. Just no action at all because of fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of needing to make a choice. Fear of the outcome. So many people want others to think for them when things are tough.r
6. The wrong action. Usually being emotionally reactive makes matters worse. Saying mean things to their partner. Words hurt and you cant take it back. Threats meaning manipulation and control. Violence that will never turn out good.r
7. Wanting love to be enough. You know if the person loves we then they wont hurt me mindset. Love is a separate issue. Problems are about taking an opportunity to heal spiritually. Lose the illusion that love should fix your problems. You have to fix your problems.r
8. Blame. So many people will blame others for their actions and their life going wrong. As long as a person blames, then they are giving away their power to change their life and they are playing victim.

These are all of the reasons why we end up in a mess that could of stayed small if we had decided to address it in the beginning. I have spoken to my share of clients that I have warned that things will only get worse if they do not deal with the issue. This is the point where the client will stop calling me for a while. Then their situation blows up and then they are crying how they should have listened to me. I tell them that they knew the truth. I just mirrored it for them. We are all smart enough to know what is going on in our life and what action to take but we just have to choose to take action. Our creator gives us such wisdom. Remember that the universe is always trying to talk to us and supporting us. Some people say that they are looking for a sign. The truth is that they are looking for a sign that everything will be okay without them taking action. Never lie to yourself. Always take action. Take control of your life and own your life. Spiritual growth is about personal responsibility not avoidance.