How Do I Demonstrate I Am Listening

I have spoken to many leaders and the consensus is that nlistening to the answer is more important than asking the nperfect question. Listening intently builds trust between nyou and the speaker. With that in mind, here are some tips to nimprove your listening:nn 1. Don’t let your mind wander. Zen masters can keep ntheir minds completely focused on one thought or nconversation, but most of us can not. We might, for ninstance, latch onto one piece of information that the nspeaker has said. We grip it tightly and plan our response, nrather than simply bookmarking this information and ncontinuing to listen. In doing so, the speaker will see in nour eyes that we have tuned out. Trust, confidence, and nmotivation will spiral downward.nn 2. Don’t interrupt after asking a question. Leaders often nhave Type-A personalities, so they want to complete nothers’ sentences. In all likelihood, they could probably ndo a better job of relaying the information, but that is nnot the goal of listening. Out-thinking your subordinates nor showing off is not leadership. Patience is. Allow the nspeaker all the time in the world to provide you with an nanswer and to ask follow-up questions. Doctors at the nrenowned Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota pride nthemselves on spending a lot of time listening to their npatients. Many practitioners ask questions and filter nout most of what the patient says (listening only for nsymptoms they believe to be present), paying little mind nto the patients’ questions. Those questions can be very nrevealing especially if the patient is suffering from a rare ndisorder. Good doctors and good leaders have patience nand make better decisions as a result.nn 3. Don’t ask a question then give an answer to see if you nwere right. I was in a coaching exercise with a CEO. He nsummoned his accountant and asked her, “What are our nrevenue and net profits going to be this year?” Before nshe could answer, he said, “$5 million and $1 million nrespectfully.” He clearly wanted to demonstrate that he nwas aware of the numbers to me and to her. This was nabout ego and it did nothing to build his leadership nwithin the organization. Each time we do one of our nteam members’ jobs our leadership power is taken away. nWhat’s her incentive to try to answer his questions in the nfuture? Wasn’t he communicating that her time must not nbe valuable if she was going to be called into the office njust so he could ask and answer his own question? Does nshe now think he has nothing better to do with his time? nActually, these are not assumptions. This is what I ndiscovered when I spoke with her afterward.nn4. Be attuned to body language-your own and the speaker’s. nMaintain eye contact. Sit up straight and lean forward. nDon’t communicate disinterest or impatience by tapping a npen against the desk. And try to pick up on nonverbal cues nthat the speaker is transmitting. John Urban, Former CEO, nPresident and Chairman of Pioneer Hi-Bred International nlooks for “Dissonance.” When there is a disagreement or a ngap between the work that was performed and the work that nwas expected to be performed, he pays particular attention nto body language-failure to make eye contact, lowered or ntrailing off voices, etc. He then tries to imagine the question nthe speaker least wants him to ask. Then he asks it.nnInterestingly, John finds it easier to listen for dissonance and ask nthe right questions if the organization’s vision, plan, and goals nare clear. It makes sense. After all, if you know what key the nsymphony is in, it is much easier to detect a wrong note. nnIf you follow these four tips, you will be a good listener. And nyou will be pleasantly surprised to find out how prepared you nsubordinates are for their meeting with you.