Love, Sex or Money: The choice is Yours

It has been said that love makes the world go 'round. It has also been said that money is the root of all evil. And when it comes to sex, "use it or lose it" seems to sum it up.

In this society, so many of us are caught up in the pursuit of all three -- love, sex and money - but not necessarily in that order.

A common statement that most of us have heard is that men think about sex every seven seconds. There seems to be no research to corroborate that claim. In fact, the major sex survey from 1948, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male by Alfred Kinsey, actually found that 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43% a few times a week, and 4 % actually think about sex less than once a month.

I might create a new statement that can definitely be corroborated. "Sex sells." Our society has been sold on sex. Women are striving to appear as beautiful as the celluloid models in the magazines and as sexy and thin as the superstars of TV and movies. Plastic surgery is huge business. An even larger business venture is that of soliciting viewers on internet pornography sites. Men are becoming so hooked on these photographic images and photoshop touchups that they are losing interest in the real women and real relationships in their personal lives.

Another common statement: "Women have sex to get love and men show love in order to get sex," has also not been corroborated by real men and real women. Many, many real women have sex for all sorts of reasons that have very little to do with love. Women often have sex to obtain money, either directly (e.g., prostitution) or indirectly (receiving free dinners, free trips, free room and board, freedom from the responsibility of working and earning money for themselves. And many women nowadays are quite aggressive sexually so that men do not have the same need to pursue them to obtain sex.

Men often pursue women that appeal to them for more than outward sexual attractiveness. Every man's interests and desires are different. Some men value a woman's intellect. Others are touched by her softness and sensitivity. And there are also men who love an aggressive and outspoken woman. The sexual desire and sexual thoughts result from the woman's personal qualities in addition to her outward appearance. Obviously, there are many men who pursue women just for sex, but for many men that lasts for a brief period of time before they actually fall in love with a woman or for brief period of time between relationships.

Money also sells. Many of us are seeking money in the hopes of attaining a better life and fulfilling all of our dreams. As they say, "Money can't buy love." But as my childhood friend Arty used to say, "Maybe money can't buy love, but it certainly can pay for the first date."

Love seems to get the short end of the stick. Many of us say we want to love and be loved, with one unspoken stipulation. "As long as the other person remains sexy, offers us understanding, compassion, excitement, wisdom, support, financial security, and whatever else we think is important in our life - and never does anything to really hurt us (e.g., cheating, addictive behaviors, business failure and loss of expected income, or emotional instability)," then we can love this person indefinitely.

Loving and being loved is not a fairytale. It is day to day, moment to moment, self-expression, sharing and communication. Not every partner communicates in the style and the words or as often as we might desire. Not every partner shares their innermost thoughts or their current activities. Not every partner knows how to love and be loved.

Do you know how to love and be loved? Have you ever even thought about it? Books and ebooks and seminars are proliferating about how to make money, even in a down trodden economy. And since sex sells, there are numerous financial benefits to gain from writing and talking about how to "perform" better and remain sexually attractive, attracted and active. But few books and seminars truly teach us how to love in such a way that we deal with sexual desire, sexual activity, financial conce
s, stress, healing, our own unique childhood upbringing, and the emotions that get triggered in us with our most intimate partners.

Can you truly say you know how to love and be loved? Have you ever taken the time to learn about the obstacles and blocks you are personally creating to avoid intimacy? Love makes the world go 'round, but if you're not careful, it will just keep going 'round and 'round, until you want to shout, "Stop the world I want to get off."