JUDGE JUDY SAYS, "HEARSAY DOESN'T COUNT!"

Hey Doc,

Every Saturday night, I go to a certain club with a group of my friends to have fun. Every once so often, I see this attractive woman who is always with a new guy that she doesn't seem to be involved with. One nigh while I was on the dance floor, she gave me a "buying signal" by (accidentally) touching my hand. I looked over and smiled at her and started to talk to her. I got her phone number with no hesitation at all.

When I got back to my group of friends, they told me that she was bad news and I shouldn't bother with her because they all had bad experiences with her.

I called her a few days later to ask her out the following Saturday. She wasn't sure if she could go and didn't counteroffer my date so I was quite puzzled. I asked her if she knew my group of friends and by the tone of her voice she knew them well, but had very little enthusiasm about them. I know that this girl had high Interest Level in me at first, but now I am unsure if she still does. I would still like the chance to go out with her, but I'm troubled when I think about what my buddies said about her. She and I don't really know each other, so I wonder if the fact that I'm a friend with those guys has an effect on my chances of getting a date. So, should I phone her again, Doc?

Alex - who has women problems

Hi Alex,
Buying signal, hmm?I see that you not only have been reading all my articles at askmen.com, but you're putting some of my love tactics to good use! Unlike most guys, you had the internal fortitude to take a chance with my concepts because something I wrote rang a bell - now you're running into battle with your new grenade launcher! Hey - you deserve the Congressional Medal of Honor for bravery under fire (i.e. for dating)! The "System" says there are many possible explanations for mysterious female behavior. Like a cop on Law and Order, you must apply detective work to the evidence in order to get to the truth. "But wait," you might ask me, "Why do we need to do that?" Because your girl might actually have low Interest Level, or a bad attitude, or is a Psycho and you don't even know it! We want to avoid users and wackos - don't we, guys? Of course! Even guys who have never had a date in their life know that much.

Yes, Alex, this girl did give you some good Buying Signals and you played the situation well, but now you must ask yourself what is the significance of your words: "always with a new guy." After all - you wrote these words; unfortunately, you missed their bigger meaning.

Why does a girl spend so much time with guys she's not interested in? Could it be just bad luck that she always chooses the wrong guy or does it reflect her attitude - for instance, could she have an integrity deficit? If she does, you can bet her eyes will wander when she's out with you the same way they do when she's with those other guys.

Yes, it's possible that this girl knows your group of friends well - and it's possible that through dating experience, they know some ugly facts about her, but as Judge Judy would say, "Hearsay doesn't count."

You should make up your mind about whether or not to ask her out, independent of what your friends say. They could be badmouthing her because they struck out with her themselves. If you choose to date her, you can still look out for the bad signs that they mentioned - just do your own detective work.

But unfortunately, Alex, you already got some signs that she is playing with your heart. When she "wasn't sure" if she could go out, and she didn't counteroffer, you had confirmation of low Interest Level (40 to 49%). This means that, in spite of her initial Buying Signals, you can't be sure she ever had high Interest Level in you. Much like those other guys, you may never have bee
"in" with her to begin with. It's a shocking reality that some women give their phone numbers to men even when they're not interested (It shocked me when I first found about this phenomenon!).

You may have wanted to go out with her before, but her behavior tells you where you stand with her - so, don't phone her again. Just think: you will be the first one in her life to do this to her! At least she'll respect you.

The bad news is: you need to retreat from this skirmish. The good news is: unlike the millions stooges whom waste time and nurse false hopes, you have The "System" to guide you through the minefield of Love! nn?Copyright DocLove DotCom nnn