Do Christians need Self-esteem?

"Do as Jesus did." At some point in our lives we have all heard this, and it is a valid statement. However, we soon find that, in our human efforts, it is seldom easy to accomplish. Why? Jesus taught some very basic truths. Why do we find it so difficult to do as He did? The problem is not in what He taught, the difference in His time in history and ours, or in the fact that He was fully God as well as fully man. The problem is in us. Are self-esteem principles meant for Christians? Let's take a closer look.

Jesus was keenly aware of who He was and what He was sent to do. He was secure in His identity. Herein lies the whole of our difficulty. Jesus had healthy self-esteem; most of us do not. He told us to love others as He loves us (Joh
15:12). He loved others unconditionally. This is how we are to love others, and ourselves.

Matthew 22:39 says that the second of the two Great Commandments is for people to love others as we love ourselves. Loving ourselves is at the core of a healthy self-esteem. The only way to experience this is to see what God sees, first in us, then in others. As Christians, this means knowing and believing what God says about us, about who we are and what we have in Him. Our identity comes from God, not from our past history, good or bad, or from what we may have accomplished. When we know who we are in Christ, we are able to love ourselves. It is not the physical person standing in the mirror that we are loving, but the person God created that lives in that body in the mirror.

Knowing who we are in Christ is fairly simple to do; open the Bible and read it! Believing what we read is a very different concept. Think for a minute. The Bible says we can do all things through Christ (Phil. 4:13), but do we believe this? Sure, we quote it, memorize it, teach it to our kids, but do we really believe it? If we really believed it, we could love ourselves. The connection between knowing and believing is blocked by memories of less than lovable or perfect behavior in our past. We see ourselves as unlovable or unworthy of real love. God doesn't see those things. If we are in Him, He sees us as sons and daughters, and as our Father, loves us unconditionally. Our past does not matter to Him. If He has forgiven us, who are we not to do the same?

Loving others unconditionally involves forgiveness. Once we are able to forgive ourselves, we are better able to forgive others. We love others unconditionally when we no longer see them through the tinted glasses of behavior and performance. Loving unconditionally involves loving the person, not necessarily their behavior. God loves the sinner but hates the sin. He accepts and loves us even when our behavior is unacceptable. Jesus is our example. He loved a tax collector and a prostitute to name just two. He certainly was not promoting the typical behavior associated with these two professions. Rather, He saw past their actions to the real person and loved them. Once we are able to do this in ourselves, we can do this with others and thus obey the commandment in Matthew 22:39. For some, this all sounds great, but it is not so simple to do. This is where self-esteem principles can help.

For those of us who are unable to reach the point of self-love, the problem is often rooted in things we have learned along life's less than smooth pathways. Maybe we were told we were not lovable or that we were stupid, or a host of other hurtful things. God does address all of these things, but for some, these truths are too hard to believe. Applying the simple concepts taught in self-esteem, we begin to see ourselves differently. We learn that we are not what others say we are. Put this together with what the Bible says, and we are able to believe and accept what God has said.

Some of us think that just knowing the Bible is all we need to live as Jesus taught. A brief, honest self-evaluation will likely prove otherwise. Knowledge without faith and understanding is quite likely to result in a lifestyle of value judging. We are value judging when we feel that others are not measuring up to what we perceive as right and wrong standards. In this situation, our values are founded on opinions we formed as a result of life experiences. We add God to our views to form a warped sense of justice and believe that this gives some sort of righteous approval for our judgmental and legalistic world view. This could not be more incorrect! All standards of conduct based on the opinions of hurting people are biased. People operating from their own hurts are judgmental. There is an inability to love others due to an inability to love self. Adding what we think is what God says only makes the problem worse. God doesn't need our opinions.

Real self-esteem principles are not separate from Godly principles. In truth, Jesus is the perfect example of a person with healthy self-esteem. For us to obey His commandments and live our lives in harmony with His teachings, we also need healthy self-esteem. For many, life has presented some difficult situations causing a blockage between knowing and believing what God says in His Word. By applying some basic self-esteem principles, we are able to clear that blockage and experience God's total unconditional love for us and give it to others. Rather than close our minds to self-esteem ideas because they didn't come from a person in an ecclesiastical setting or start with, "Thus saith?" we need to check to see if the concepts are in line with the Word of God. If they are, explore them and see how they might help us more fully understand and live what God has said. nnn