Advocating for…You!

Most people would assume that self-esteem can be a measure of how much you love yourself, but the truth is, even the most secure and confident person can be found uttering the most absurd things to his/her-self that upon closer examination would clearly show that confidence does not mean self-love. nnWe say so many things to ourselves that we would never verbally utter to the ones we love. We are generally tender, compassionate, and loving to those that are close to us, or at least we make the effort to be so. We give endlessly to those we love, we try and keep them in good spirits when they are down, and we build them up and share with them the best part of our-self. This is what we generally do to those we call family, friends, and lovers. But it is an entirely different story when it comes to our own self. When it comes to us, we turn harsh, self-critical, and down right nasty. If we took the time to examine all the things we utter to our selves in thought, we would see clearly that self-love is not something we do naturally. Take a moment and see if you have ever said any of these things to your-self:nn- I can't do this.nn- This won't work out for me.nn- I am so embarrassed at my self.nn- I can't believe I said/did that.nn- I'm terrible.nn- I'm such a failure.nn- What's wrong with me? Why can't I do this?nn- I'll never be able to get this done.nn- My hair/legs/hips/face/neck (etc.) looks hideous (or some other thought of this nature).nn- I'm not attractive.nn- I'll never get over this.nn- This is too much for me.nn- I hate myself.nn- I don't believe I can succeed.nnThe list can go on, but the point is we say many (too many) such things to ourselves. It may not seem like a big deal. These thoughts may come and stay with us momentarily, in passing, not long enough for us to consider their negative effect. But regardless of this, the damage to our system is done the moment you accept such thoughts and let them repeat in our mind. Every thought we accept has an effect on us. Our body reacts to such thoughts through the emotions that arise from such thoughts. Thoughts of disappointment, insecurity, anxiety, and the like all have emotions that are attached to them. And these emotions, if you consult any physiology text, are actual chemicals that alter our cellular make-up.nnMentally, we're affected too. Think of the person you love the most in this world. Now imagine this person came to you with a problem. Would you ever say to them "yes, actually that's too much for you to handle. You're never going to get through it. You're going to fail." Would you say such a thing to this one you love? Could you imagine for a moment what you responding in a negative light to them would do? Can you imagine the hurt this would cause? The way their face would look? Would you say any such thing to them in their time of need? Or would you try and uplift their spirits? Would you not try and be supportive?nnWhy would you say such things to your-self then? Why would you allow thoughts of guilt, shame, embarrassment, unworthiness, failure, and essentially fear of all kinds to take root and grow within you? Why isn't it okay to say such things to those you love the most, but it is okay to say to your Self? Are you any less than those you love?nnIf there is only one thing you ever do, it should be teaching and learning how to love your Self first: ridding your Self of guilt/shame/embarrassment/unworthiness/fear thoughts; ridding yourself of the "I can't do it" syndrome; ridding yourself of self-criticism and essentially this undercover and subtle self-hatred that comes through in your acceptance of such thoughts. nnThe beginning of learning to be a positive individual starts with your self. You must see your Self in a positive light in everything you do before you can truly see the lasting value of other people and your world. Everything, every kind of change begins with you first. If there is no change within you, then any change you think you experience is superficial. If you're negative about any one of your own skills and capabilities, but affirm the capabilities of others, you're being inconsistent and creating confusion and discordance between your internal reality and external one. The truth is, you can't give to other's what you don't already have to give. Give to yourself what you would give to other's.nnIf ever you find yourself feeling down, ask yourself what thoughts you are holding onto. You are most likely holding onto thoughts of failure (and the like). You can get your Self out of this by seeing the thoughts for what they are. FALSE! If you find your Self in such a mood, change up the scenario. Imagine some one you think highly of, that you love deeply, and then ask yourself what you would say to them if this was them in this situation. Most likely you would be saying something entirely different. So use those different thoughts to replace the ones you've been holding onto.nnSurvey the state of your mind in every situation you come across. Survey the thoughts you accept as true. Survey your Self and find out whether you hold love for every aspect within you, and if you don't, CHANGE IT! Take control and use up all the strength you have within you to not only make the change you want to see, but to BE the change you want see.