Morning Motivation: When You Are Excluded or Rejected

In A New Guide to Rational Living, Dr. Albert Ellis proposed ten irrational thoughts that stand in the way of our happiness. Here is the first irrational thought: “You must – yes, must – have love or approval from all the people you find significant.” What if this irrational thought were true? It would mean that our very survival depended on the thoughts of other people. It would mean that we couldn’t follow our bliss, make a change, or even say a few words unless every single important person in our life agreed with us. As a result, we might decide not to pursue a dream like going back to college or starting our own business, to avoid the risk of disappointing others. Or we might bend over backwards to meet everybody else’s expectations while paying little attention to our own needs. But is it true? It’s certainly true that an infant needs the care of attentive people in order to live. However, it is not true that an adult cannot live without the constant approval of every single significant person in their life. Sure, it would be nice. But it’s impossible to meet everyone’s varied and ever-shifting expectations for us. As an alternative, we can let go of the false, self-limiting idea that we need others to always accept us, approve of us, and include us. We can learn to bravely keep our hearts open to others, knowing that there are times when we will inevitably be excluded or flatly rejected:

• “You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.” – Ray Bradburyrn
• “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” – CS Lewisrn
• “We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.” – Mark Twainrn
• “But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself.” – Ricky Nelson, “Garden Party”
• “You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away. Love 'em anyway.” – Martina McBride, “Anyway”

May you remember today that being open to feedback is valuable, but ultimately, your approval of your own choices is the only light worth following in order to fully live your own life! To read other motivational and inspirational thoughts throughout the day, follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/DrDebBrown