My Marriage is Like Ringo Starr

This summer we'll be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. What an auspicious date we chose to get married: Ringo Starr's birthday. Just thought I'd throw that in. It could be loosely relevant because well, I consider him the funny Beatle, the steady Beatle--and he's also the oldest and the least controversial Beatle. I think our marriage is all that. We got married on 7-7-79. It's really too bad we didn't get married two years earlier! I'm sure we would've been much luckier in Las Vegas over the past 29 years. Ok, so no, this is not necessarily the big secret of a long and successful marriage.nnWhen someone asked me what the secret was to our long marriage, I replied "We're two very tolerant people." I was joking, but now when I think about it, isn't it the truth? What two people are so perfect that tolerance is never necessary at some point? Love is not enough, sorry to tell you. Acceptance, a sense of humor, and commitment are mandatory. This is why I sometimes question the institution of marriage. It's NOT natural, it's man-made. Like everything man-made, there are advantages and disadvantages. Take shoes, for instance: they protect your feet and keep them warm, but can cause bunions, foot odor, and often are hard to dance in.nnMarriage enables a partnership which promotes better upbringing of children and it provides love, comfort and friendship; but it can also cause financial problems, high blood pressure, and some husbands don't take you dancing. nnIn my case, my husband has the high blood pressure and DOES take me dancing. Seriously, however, marriage can be restrictive if not handled carefully. I may bemoan his being unromantic and point to a guy on TV proposing to his girl on a moonlit balcony in Paris, but at least he never tries to suppress my creativity or public expression of unconventional views (such as those found in blogs) and he tolerates my overanalyticalitis. Any man who would take his wife to see Smokey Robinson on three consecutive nights in Las Vegas is marriage-worthy in my book.nnLastly, I would like to stress the importance of complementing each other. Too often we are given the impression that for a marriage to be successful, you must be soulmates with a singular mind. One of my favorite funny quotes is Groucho Marx's, "I would never want to belong to a club that would have me as a member." Not sure if that's totally relevant but I love that quote. Sometimes when two people are alike it can be disastrous. Imagine two vain people in a bathroom with one mirror! Or two people who love to eat the turkey neck...or tail? Surefire ingredients to a rocky marital road!nnYears ago I was criticizing someone's childrearing methods. That person said "Well, you're lucky. Your daughter's an EASY child!" It never occurred to them that maybe, just maybe, their child was difficult BECAUSE they were spoiling him and that my daughter was "easy" because I was studiously following John Rosemond's advice. Unfortunately, "Supernanny" wasn't around or she'd have proven me right.nnSo some may say the same of my long marriage. "Well you're lucky you found each other, that's why your marriage lasted." Maybe, just maybe it's not only about luck but also that we are simply two people who are smart enough to understand that married life can be great if you're committed, learn to accept, have a sense of humor, and go dancing once in a while!