Once a Cheater Always a Cheater? The Surprising Truth Behind Affairs

You’ve probably heard the phrase before: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Is this popular saying true? If your boyfriend or husband cheats on you, is he destined to cheat again? Some people, maybe your own friends, will recommend that you leave your guy if he ever cheats on you. They might tell you that he didn’t value the relationship or marriage, so he obviously doesn’t love you or care about you. But before you write off your husband or boyfriend and join the scores of bitter and resentful women who believe “all men are dogs” or other such common beliefs, consider this: Most affairs don’t happen simply because the man is a deceptive piece of scum. It’s much more complicated than that. Affairs are actually the result of a broader problem in your relationship. If you guy cheated on you it’s because he wasn’t getting one of his needs met in some way in your relationship. I’m not just talking about physical needs here, either. It could be emotional as well. Maybe he didn’t feel respected, maybe he didn’t feel appreciated, maybe he didn’t feel loved. When a man goes around with unmet needs from his relationship, he is a prime target for an affair. All it takes is one woman to walk into his life who makes him feel good, and before you know it, he starts to develop feelings for her. And it is just a slippery slope from an infatuation to an affair. Don’t get me wrong, he still ultimately made the choice to cheat. I’m not blaming you by a long shot. But if you want to have a successful relationship, either with him or with someone else, you’re going to have to understand what went wrong in this relationship. If you just end it and walk away, blaming him for cheating and leaving it at that, you’re missing a powerful opportunity to learn and grow. Take this as a chance to take responsibility for what you did to contribute to the affair. What did you do or not do that eventually drove him to cheat? If you don’t take care of this, you’ll be doomed to repeat the same scenario over and over again with him or with other men in future relationships. So, going back to the old saying: “once a cheater, always a cheater,” is it true? It really depends. If you can take a look at your relationship and understand specifically what happened and what needs went unmet that eventually triggered the affair, you can change things. If your husband or boyfriend starts getting his needs met, you might be surprised to discover just how loyal he can be. It isn’t easy to learn and change your relationship, but it definitely can happen. Even if you do decide to break it off with him, you can take the valuable lessons you learn into future relationships and enjoy a much healthier dynamic down the road. So, I strongly recommend you take the time to analyze your relationship and not simply just brush him off as a cheater without taking a look beneath the surface.