One surprising word that can help you get what you want

One, tiny word can bring about massive changes in your life. It's a word that we hate to hear, and hesitate to say ourselves. Have you guessed it? That's right, the word is 'no'.

Don't worry; I'm not going to tell you to become a negative, selfish person who refuses to help others. What I am going to share, however, are effective strategies for saying 'no' when it really counts.

Most of us are kind people by nature. We really want to help others, whether we're volunteering our time at a charitable organization or being supportive to our friends and family. But sometimes our good intentions can get the best of us. We end up taking on more and more obligations, and feeling uncomfortable when someone asks us for a favor.

How do we say no without offending them? Will they get angry at us? What if we really WANT to help, but it would be a great imposition to do so?

It can be helpful to first figure out why you hesitate to turn down requests. Do you believe they'll stop liking you if you do? Do you believe that making life easier for other people is more important than your own peace of mind? What is the worst thing that can happen if you say no?

When you start thinking about the answers to these questions, you'll probably realize some surprising things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Then, come up with a simple response to use when you really have to say no. Here's one that works well for me:

'I'm sorry, I'd love to help you out but I just won't be able to at that time'.

Notice I don't try to defend or explain my decision. I don't promise to do something else for them in the future to make up for not helping now. Feel free to use this response yourself, or personalize it to fit your circumstances better.

When it comes right down to it, it's not up to you to save everyone. You have every right to help when you can and refuse when you can't! And you don't have to explain why or justify your decision.

Surprisingly, most people won't freak out over your refusal. They'll just accept it and move on. Some people might get annoyed, or even a little angry at you - especially if you usually bend over backwards to make their life easier. They won't be pleased that you're not willing to do it anymore.

But ultimately, what is more important to you: keeping them happy or keeping your sanity?

Saying no definitely requires a bit of inner strength and determination - but so do most positive changes in life.