Parenting Or Coaching Children

Giving your child purposennEverybody needs a direction in life, a map that he can see clearly where he is and where are different possibilities and different destinations. Providing them with a map generates seeking curiosity in children and makes them look around and think. There are different things, they want to experience and touch them, feel and experience them first hand. The children's curiosity has no end. nnIt is widespread and not controlled or managed at the beginning. This curiosity will remain widespread until the child finds the direction. The direction is found when there is a great and attractive reward somewhere that the child can think about, can get more excited about and becomes enthusiastic in following it.nnThe reward must be so greatly appealing that the children must feel excited and happy from the first step they take towards going and getting it. This is how you can generate an appealing and attractive purpose for the children. Children get fascinated to different things. They get attracted to a lot of people, to a lot of issues and a lot of products. Also they get attracted to attractive feelings and images in their minds. nnIf the child feels that when he achieves the purpose he will get the reward that he loved, he will get a great and appealing picture which generates fine and good feelings. Great feelings and an attractive image of a goal will keep the child focused in one direction while moving towards one great and specific purpose.nnWhen a child looks at the world, when he walks in streets and when he walks with his friends and when he stays in schools their minds are easily interacting with everything they experience. All of these things affect them. The affects may force the children to change their direction. And there are so many different good and attractive things in this world that may make focusing on one purpose extremely difficult. Children want to have a lot of choices and limiting their choices is not an easy thing to do. nnWhen a child focuses on one choice, obviously he removes other choices from his life and he does not feel good about that. The children want to have all of these things together one after another. The attraction does not last for a long time but it is very strong and demanding. Once a child experienced that thing, that will be enough for him and he wants to move to another thing. If you give a child hundreds of dolls he would want all of them because every one of them will give him one particular good feeling. He wants all these good feelings. nnThe important thing is to think that the child wants dolls for getting specific feelings. They want diverse feelings, not one. And the children do not focus on one kind of feeling. They love to have numerous good and great and positive feelings and therefore, they want numerous things in their lives and therefore they continue to have different choices. Instead of focusing on one thing they wish to go for far more. They want to think bigger and want more things than one.nnBut the secret of success is to focus on one or few things only. Having a lot of things generates a lot of good feelings but none of these feelings will end into bringing something that the person wants for a long time. Everything that a child wants must give her a kind of good feeling. The children are not interested in things if those things do not give them good feelings. As the children are all emotions, they focus on those things that trigger good emotions.nnTo talk about a purpose for your children does not end in changing the children's desire for having a lot of things. The secret is to find a purpose that gives them more good feelings than anything else. A purpose that has more pleasant ingredients is more acceptable. A great purpose must have a wide range of different things in it to accommodate different needs of children. nnThe reason that the parents usually fail to give the children a purpose or persuade them to focus on one thing is because the children want far more than what the parents think or far more than the teachers and coaches can think of. While the teachers and trainers of children want them to focus on one particular subject, they do not understand that the children love to have good feelings about a subject and what the subject can do for them. Every child I know that has done very well in one subject has drawn from the subject a lot of pleasures and good feelings. The children are not interested in any subject. nnThe children are interested in the good feelings that are taken from any subject that they want to learn. It is the reward that the children get from studying the subject that fascinates them. If the teachers portray the subject in a way that brings immense pleasures and good feelings in the lives of the children, they will go for them. If the subject is free from pleasures and good feelings, the children naturally are not inclined in doing it.nnWhen we think of children we have to think of what can give them pleasures and good feeling. If you can find them one thing or only few things that give the children most pleasures and most good feelings then you have to associate that thing with the purpose you set for them. The purpose does not have any value for anybody if it does not bring pleasure and good feelings. nnThe purpose therefore must be investigated to clarify how much good feelings and pleasures it can bring to the child now and in future. The more good feelings and more pleasures the purpose can bring to children, the more appealing that will become for the child.nnReza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com http://www.rezaaa.comn