How to Complete with the Past, Part I

The first step in being able to attract and create your ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by dropping baggage from your past. Baggage here refers to resentments, hurts and fears towards anyone who was either a role model or participated directly in a relationship with you. Some people carry their hurts, resentments and fear as badges of honor. Others learn from them as if they were undisputable lessons life was trying to teach.

They are neither. They are byproducts of unfortunate situations and your baggage. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage, the less likely you are to recreate bad situations.

Dropping such baggage is what will be termed completion.

How do you get complete? Completion is not a sense or an emotion or even a state of being, but a destination, a place to get to. This means there are steps and practical actions that will get you to completion. What stands between you and having a great relationship is taking these steps and actions.

At the most basic level, completion is an exercise in communication. Imagine that you could finally say everything you needed to say to everyone you needed to say it to, no holds barred. Wouldn't that give you a great sense of relief and freedom? In essence, getting complete is getting to communicate everything to everyone, without spending your life looking for everyone from your past or having to deal with less than receptive people.

When you are complete with a situation and are facing a similar situation, you will be free to choose your actions rather than being run by fear, pain, anger, etc. You may flash back to the old situation, but you will not react based on it. You will no longer have anything but a minute negative emotional response in looking back on hurtful situations. For the majority of the time, you will feel genuine forgiveness toward others and yourself.

The first thing you need to do to get complete is to feel all of your feelings, no matter how unpleasant they may be. How do you feel about your past relationships? Have you swept your feelings under the rug? Are you still secretly pining for someone? What are you afraid of in regards to relationships? Who are you still angry with?

In order to allow yourself to feel, you have to know that feelings, unless they are of the clinical depression or the criminal rage kind, will not kill or hurt you. Most people have either not had the permission or never slowed down enough to feel their feelings. You must give yourself both the time and the permission, if any completion is to take place. As long as you don't let yourself feel, you will recreate exactly what you had in the past. If you want something different, a fulfilling relationship, you can't afford to recreate the past.

Right now, checking in with your feelings, make a list of all people and situations you need to complete. We will come back to this list.

The second thing you need to do to get complete is get into action. Look for a list of ten action steps in next week's newsletter.

This article was originally written by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries and published in The Relationship Coach Newsletter, which is a weekly e-mail publication for people who want to create fulfilling relationships. The newsletter contains tips, ideas and distinctions to help you understand and transform your relationships. If you are single, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you are in a relationship, it will help you to create much more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to http://www.WhatItTakes.com nnn