Surviving Valentine's Day

I ran across something on another website the other day that shocked me. It went something like this: Don't be in the doghouse this Valentine's Day...buy XYZ. Later I spoke to one of my single clients who asked me to help her survive Valentine's Day.

The commercialism associated with this holiday often wreaks havoc on both singles and couples alike. For couples, Valentine's Day can be full of unrealistic, unnecessary expectations followed by disappointment. And singles usually see the holiday as an unpleasant reminder of their relationship status and the sadness and disappointment of being alone.

Below are my suggestions to help you survive Valentine's Day. The first section contains tips for people in relationships, divided into subsections of people in a relationship going well and those in a relationship going poorly. The second section is for singles. ____________________________________________
Surviving Valentine's Day for people in a relationshipn____________________________________________
Many people in relationships feel pressured and anxious about giving just the right gift. Valentine's Day expectations can run high in a relationship. If the gift isn't just right, the receiver may feel unloved and the giver may go into the "doghouse".

And let's be honest. The giver going to the doghouse is usually the man in the relationship. Not always, but usually.

How fun will your Valentine's Day be if you are disappointed with your partner and his or her gift? How close will the two of you feel if he or she spends the whole time feeling badly?

If you are in a relationship and you want your Valentine's Day to turn out well, to bring closeness, joy and intimacy, I suggest an adjustment in expectations and attitude.

Relationship going well:
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If your relationship is going well, does it really matter what happens on Valentine's Day? Maybe something sweet, fun and loving is enough?

Does it matter if you go out for a romantic dinner or if you have a candlelight dinner at home? As long as you do something for each other, consider your Valentine's Day to be a success.

On the other hand, if you really want something special, give strong hints to your partner and let him or her know how much you REALLY want that certain something. This way you set him or her up to win by giving you what you want. Don't secretly hope for something and expect to get it unless you are sure your partner knows you are secretly hoping for it!

Mostly, make sure it's a day or evening the two of you spend enjoying each other.

Relationship going poorly:
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If your relationship is not going well, Valentine's Day is probably not going to save it, no matter how special you try to make the day. In fact, if your relationship is in trouble, high expectations may be the last nail in the coffin of your relationship.

In this case, it is even more important to communicate clearly what you want and what you expect. The more discord in a relationship, the less likely that your partner will be tuned into you and know what you want.

The key here is to stop having expectations that Valentine's Day will turn your relationship around, and instead see it as an opportunity to express to your partner how much YOU care.
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Surviving Valentine's Day for singlesn______________________________

Instead of spending the day being sad about not having a relationship or ignoring the day completely, do something powerful for your relationship future.

I have to warn you the exercise I am about to detail here will sound silly, pointless and hard to execute. However, it is truly worth the effort.

But before I explain the exercise, let me tell you why it will be worth the effort. This exercise will allow you to experience true, healthy love. If your history is strewn with broken relationships, you have seldom--if ever--experienced true, healthy love. Experiencing it will give you the ability to recognize someone capable of it, and will give you the power to attract it.

Ready?

1. Go to Hallmark or some other fancy card store, today or tomorrow.
2. Buy a few very nice cards, the kind you would love to get from an intimate partner.
3. Go home, take out the cards and a nice pen, and start writing Valentine's messages to yourself. The key is to write as if a wonderful, caring, generous relationship partner is writing to you. Although you don't have such a partner right now, I'm sure you know just what you'd like to hear. Write exactly that. Write what you most want to hear from someone who loves you. Go overboard with compliments and praise and words of love.
4. Seal the cards and put your name on the envelope. Maybe even draw something on the envelope.
5. Put the cards in different places around the house to be found and opened on Valentine's Day.
6. When you open the cards on Valentine's Day, do not discount what you've written to yourself. It may not be from a current lover; however, it is from someone who loves you--YOU.

The more you allow yourself to feel love, even self-love, the more likely you are to attract true love into your life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Pariesnwww.WhatItTakes.com

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to www.WhatItTakes.com. nnn