It's all about your love language, Part 6

The last of the love languages, like it says, brings two people very close together. But it doesn't have to be sensual or sexual. That's something about touch that North Americans seem paranoid about. A hug or kiss on the cheek, in many cultures, leads to diplomatic and business success. But not here. Although people who are brought up with physical contact are far healthier, emotionally, than those who are brought up without such contact.

Many a Type-A personality enjoys physical touch as their primary love language, but often hide it or sublimate it through competitive sport. Entrepreneurs are competitive by nature.

Obviously, such a powerful emotion can make or break a relationship. The challenge for those of us whose love language is something other than physical touch is to overcome our reluctance to express ourselves through it for the benefit of our partner and partnership. What does putting your hand on your partner's shoulder as you pour him or her a cup of tea or coffee mean to you? What does it mean to your partner? What does your arm around their shoulders at a time of happiness or crisis mean to each of you?

Just as people are different, their touch is different. If your partner's love language is physical touch, ask what kind of touch gives them the most pleasure. Don't assume you're doing it right, or make the mistake of believing that the touch that you like will be equally liked by your partner.

How do you discover which is your primary love language? Is it words of affirmation? Quality time? Receiving gifts? Acts of service? Physical touch? You may know immediately, you may not.

A common belief among men is that physical touch is their primary love language, because of their physiological need to release sexual energy. But if you don't enjoy other forms of touch, like someone running her hands through your hair, or wanting to hold your hand when you're walking together, physical touch is not your primary love language.

For many women, acts of service is their primary love language. It's too bad so many of their partners don't know that, and don't become familiar with the business end of a vacuum cleaner or the control panel of the washer and dryer.

To discover your primary love language, all you have to do is ask yourself what makes you feel most appreciated - most loved - by your partner. What is it you want them to do, to express their happiness with you. What is it they do that hurts you? What have you most often requested, or wished you could request, of your partner? Whatever it is, it's most probably in keeping with your primary love language. nnn