Recovering From Abuse; Is It Possible?

Spousal abuse is devastating in every aspect. It creates deep wounds in the abuser, abused and anyone within close proximity to the experience.
As a child, I not only witnessed my mother being abused by my father, but I too was severly abused. The violence created survival instincts so intense, it carried through to my adult life.
For example, If I suspected my father walking within a few blocks to my vicinity I would detour away from his current route.
I got used to fleeing protection from a very young child. This act of running was one that I used in my marriage, when I was emotionally abused and continued to carry over whenever I felt threatened in any of my relationships; whether it was a boyfriend, my children or a friend. My survival instinct of fleeing kicked in and I went into default mode, doing what I was trained to do as a girl.

This proved to be unhelpful as an adult. I was no longer in danger and my act of fleeing just brought feelings of abandonment toward the person I was running away from.

As I began working on myself and creating a new story and a new me, I worked on that need to run from a confrontation. I began to talk to the little Esther inside of me, the frightened child, comforted her and told her there’s nothing to run away from. I instead kept a distance from the person in question, but continued the talk, argument or whatever it was that at first made me want to run. At the end, I always felt better.

I noticed other habits I formed from the years of mental abuse from my former husband. Abused women have a hard time keeping to their convictions, standing up for what they believe and pin pointing why they feel the way they feel.

I noticed that I was unable to develop and stick to my own opinion. When there was a discussion and someone shared their opinion, I always agreed with that person, but if someone else opposed what was said I would then agree with that person. If someone asked me why I think the way I do or why I feel the way I do, I was unable to give them an answer. This came from years of being told how to think, feel, what was right and wrong and how selfish I was, no matter what I said, felt or acted as. My self esteem was non existent by the end of my marriage and the ability to fully think on my own was extremely difficult.

It was only when I separated myself from my abusers that I was able to begin to heal. I surrounded myself with people who encouraged my free spirit to come out, cherished my ideas and what I had to say and shared my views with others. This constant positive reinforcement helped me slip off the vail of victimhood and low confidence.

My story and my pain became my salvation. I began to share with others how to heal no matter what their trauma and story was.

This too strengthened a new thought about myself; I count.

It enabled me to stand up to my ideas, views and convictions. It helped me express my feelings, despite or inspite of what was said.

This new me was a 180 degree turn of how I used to act and be. The new me attracted people, situations and events in my life that demonstrated my new thought patterns. I discovered you can heal anything, change anything if you decide to.