Rollercoasters are a Permanent Part of the Landscape

At many of my life coaching sessions, my question to Jeanine has been: 'are we at cause, or effect?' I finally got her to state specifically, that we are at cause, and then I moved forward with testing the hypothesis -- I started to create.

I started doing everything I could to create the best life I could imagine. I started dressing better, eating better, showering daily, using moisturizer, cleaning my house, decorating, getting my nails done, using makeup, smiling more, and curling my hair. I had done these things before, but this time I set a disciplined intention to do them each consistently, without fail. I also set an intention to be worth a certain amount of money by the end of the next three years, and then I spent 5 minutes each day visualizing my future.

I was quite thrilled with this new adventure, being someone who created... until one moment when the world suddenly stopped on its axis (the Monday before Thanksgiving - did you feel it too?).

I received an email that basically said that something which had been a significant part of my foundation for over 5 years was about to be removed. Over the next four weeks that foundation slowly disintegrated... resulting in the loss of my income, and the loss of my home. Life as I had known it, a life I had built from nothing, just 5 years before, was completely, irrevocably, gone.

Over the next four weeks, creating had been replaced with survival. For some reason, I was suddenly, at effect. All choice was based on surviving the present moment, with no time left to create the next one. Difficult decisions replaced delicious dreams.

Was I surprised? Not really. On an intuitive level, I saw it coming. When I first took the job I was working, my boss had commented that I tended to only work places for 3 years, and then leave. As I promised him that I wouldn't quit, the still small voice within whispered '5 years.' Then, last summer, when my lawn mower broke, and I was trying to decide between buying a new one or hiring a lawn service, the still small voice whispered 'you won't be here next summer.' (I ignored it and bought a new mower anyway). Next, as I was missing my cat who had passed away in June, I started looking for a new cat. I went to the animal shelter. Each time I settled on a cat, it would turn its back on me. First, I took it personally. Then, I pretended that this was because my soulmate was most likely allergic, so the universe didn't want me to get something that would interfere with my connection with true love. I didn't realize it was because in a few months I would be living in a new place, that didn't accept felines. Finally, when I established my goal to be worth a certain amount of money in a certain amount of time, the still small voice responded that I wouldn't be able to do it with the life I was living [then].

On November 21st, the world stopped turning. It stopped, just long enough, for me to fasten my seatbelt for one of the craziest 30-day rollercoasters I have ever experienced.

Did I create that experience out of an attempt to create a better life, or, based on the intuitive hits, was I at the effect of a pre-determined universe? Do I need to start paying closer attention to the still small voice that whispers during moments of choice, or continue to ignore it, forcing it to prove itself right... again and again.

I don't know the answers to those questions. What I have discovered, for certain, is that rollercoasters are a permanent part of the landscape. Super-frightening!! [at first]. Luckily, the seatbelts are sturdy and they will get you home safely. Enjoy the ride!