DEPRESSION: THE PROBLEM

WHAT MAKES US DEPRESSED?
We get angry about 20 times a day. If we believe our anger is bad or that it's scary to be angry, we keep it inside. This unexpressed anger wants to get out and it takes so much energy to keep it bottled up that we get tired from all that effort.

Also, since we are not using our energy to get what we want, we miss out on many things. The tiredness and the losses add up to make us feel hopeless, lethargic, and sad. This is depression.

WE GET DEPRESSED FROM SAVED UP ANGER.

GUILT VS. RESPONSIBILITY
Guilty feelings are the "building blocks" of depression.

Guilt is what we feel when we know we've made a mistake and think we need forgiveness from someone else.

Responsibility is what we feel when we make a mistake, learn from the mistake, repair any damage we've done as well as we can, and forgive ourselves.

We feel guilt in the hope that someone else will "get us off the hook." In other words, we feel guilt to avoid responsibility - and end up depressed.

SUBCONSCIOUS TRICKERY
We don't feel guilty to change our behavior. We feel guilty to avoid changing our behavior!

Think of an alcoholic who comes home drunk at 3AM, apologizes profusely the next morning, and says he hates himself. He is subconsciously trying to show that he "feels bad enough" so his partner will believe he is sorry and forgives him. (The partner would be wise to tell him to stop all the apologies and the self-hate, admit he has a problem, and get help until he stops drinking!)

SELF-PUNISHMENT AND DEPRESSION
For many people depression is self-inflicted punishment. They actually say to themselves: "I will make myself feel bad to pay for what I've done."

HOW WE LEARN DEPRESSION
Think of a child whose parent just yelled at them: "You are bad!" If the parent's guilt-tripping works, the child might cry in a broken-hearted sort of a way and sit quietly for a long time feeling bad about themselves. The self-satisfied parent might say: "See, she feels so bad about herself that I know she won't do it again." But the child will do it again! Why? Because the child hasn't learned a thing about her own behavior. She has only learned how to feel guilty and depressed instead of showing her anger at her parent.

Teaching a child the EFFECTS of their behavior is much more difficult than making them feel guilty. But it's the only way to get them to change. (See article at my web site on "Discipline.")

OVERLAPPING ANGER
The key to avoiding depression is to welcome and express your anger. But what if so many things make you angry that you don't have enough time to express all that anger? What if your new anger constantly "overlaps" with your old anger?

Most people who have overlapping anger are living lives that are filled with abuse. They are simply so badly treated that anyone would be depressed. They will be depressed until they stop taking all that mistreatment.

Other people have overlapping anger because they talk themselves into being angry when they are really feeling something else (sad, or scare, or even joy). They need to learn how to handle the feelings they are avoiding.

OTHER ARTICLES
This article is the first of a two-part series on Depression. (See "Depression: What To Do About It.")

Since suppressed anger, guilt, and depression are such common problems, many articles at my site are related to these topics. nn<>

Every article, regardless of the title, probably contains at least one idea you can use as you help yourself to avoid depression!