Self Esteem – Where Self Esteem Comes From

Self-esteem is a term you hear bandied around all over the place and whilst you understand that we all have some and that it's better for it to be high than low, do you actually understand exactly what self esteem is and where it comes from? What Is Self Esteem? In the most simplistic of terms, this is how you create your self esteem. You look at other people who you think either have or do something that you would like and take an unconscious measurement. You then gauge yourself against them and the difference goes to make your self esteem. The bigger the gap, the less favourable the comparison and the lower your self esteem. It is literally how you estimate yourself to be. As little as 50 years ago, although we were beginning to see more of the world thanks to television and magazines etc, we were not yet bombarded by the millions of images of beautiful (airbrushed) people, achieving the most amazing things, despite incredible odds. Nowadays, we are exposed to such a huge variety of extraordinary people with whom to compare ourselves, it is little wonder that self esteem issues seem to be so prevalent. How Is Self Esteem Created? Your beliefs about yourself and your emotions are fundamental to your self esteem. They can be general or global beliefs such as 'I am good', 'I am useless' or they can be in a specific area 'I believe I am a good cook' or 'I think I am a poor mother'. These beliefs trigger emotional responses which seem to validate them and reinforce them, which in turn raise or lower your self esteem. For example, you believe you are a good cook and thinking that makes you feel good. You cook something well and you experience a sense of triumph, which confirms your belief about your cooking ability. Both of these positive things contribute to your self esteem. Amazingly, even if you don't always cook well, your fundamental belief that you are a good cook, will usually override the times when you're not as successful and your belief and self esteem remain intact. In the same way, if you perceive yourself to have a weakness in a particular area and something happens which seems to confirm that, your belief gets stronger and your self esteem drops. So you believe you are a poor mother, your teenage daughter tells you she hates you and your belief is reinforced. Not good for your self esteem. Unfortunately, even if you do something which appears to undermine this belief, your unconscious mind is likely to override the success as it doesn't fit in with your belief about yourself. How To Improve Your Self Esteem The best way to raise your self esteem is to work on your beliefs. They are so fundamental to the way your unconscious mind processes all the information it receives about you and your existence. Establish the ones that are serving you and promote them and the ones that aren't helpful, you need to change! If you would like more information on beliefs and how to change them, or any other area of personal development, please take a look at the personal resources section of my web site. There are free reports and ebooks to download, along with video guides and other articles.