Selfish is Not A Bad Word: 4 Little Myths About Self Care

Those of us who are caretakers…we know who we are… are all guilty at one time or another of saying yes to something or someone when we really wanted to say no. We are also very hesitant to put ourselves first under any circumstances. Whether you are a caretaker of family and friends, a business or a pet project, your reluctance to be “selfish” once in a while will result in your not being the best you can be. Here’s a little story to get you thinking about being okay with being SELFISH. Have you ever tried to pump water out of the ground using a hand pump…probably not? Let me tell you a little bit about what happens. The pump handle sticks up out of the ground a few feet giving you plenty of room to grab a hold and exert a significant amount of elbow grease in order to get the water up out of the ground. You can spend a great deal of time and effort pumping away and getting no water in return. Now, take a bit of water and pour it in to the pump…prime the pump…and then try to get the water up out of the ground. Voila…up comes the water. It’s a little like the adage that it takes money to make money. As caretakers, we often find ourselves trying to get water out of the ground without taking the time to prime the pump first. We expend lots of time and energy and get little in return for our efforts, both for ourselves and the people we care about. Selfcare for caretakers is like priming the pump. Without it, the caretaker expends a great deal of energy and sees little in return. How is this related to being selfish? When we honor ourselves with nourishing self care we prime our pumps. The time we invest in taking care of ourselves (being selfish) pays off tenfold. When we prime our pumps we end up with lots more energy and creative ideas to share with those who are near and dear to us and we find ourselves being more efficient and effective in work environments, as well. Here are four self care rumors that can sometimes get in the way of your being the best you can be. When you can get past these obstacles you will find physical, emotional and intellectual energy to spend on the people you nurture, the businesses you manage and the causes you champion.  rnIt is selfish to say “no”?rnSometimes we say yes out of a sense of responsibility, sometimes out of a sense of guilt and sometimes just because we do not know how to say no. Somewhere in our growing up years we learned that to say no meant we were being selfish and being selfish was a bad thing. I am here to tell you that being selfish is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it may be the most unselfish thing you can do for the important people in your life. The trick is learning how to say “no” without being guilt ridden. It is selfish to put myself first?rnNo. Nurturing yourself is one of the most important factors in being able to keep up your strength, motivation and inner resources so that you can continue to nurture and support others. On a recent trip I was reminded of the safety instructions given on every airline flight. You know… the part about placing the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting a child. As a mother, that flies in the face of everything I hold dear. However, when I think about what would happen if I passed out before helping my child/grandchild, the thoughts are terrifying. Clearly, sometimes doing the “selfish” thing is a most unselfish action.  rnI don’t have time to take care of myself!rnYou don’t have time NOT to take care of yourself. We all have the same 168 hours in every week. Some of us are just better at managing the energy expended during those hours. When we spend some of that energy taking care of ourselves, the result is a rested and rejuvenated self… ready to tackle whatever challenges come our way.  rnI don’t have money to spend on myself!rnWho said it takes money for self care? Here are some “free” caretaking activities we often overlook. Get adequate sleep; eat a balanced diet; exercise regularly; lock the bathroom door and take a bubble bath; learn how and when to say “no”. You may be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself and your ability to excel in all areas of your life when you first practice a little self care. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.