LIGHTENING THE LOAD

Why do I do it? Hauling round a huge sack load of stuff. My stash, my bundle of negativity. They're all in there. My little niggly doubts, my vague unnamed anxieties, the BIG ones - huge, whopper fears. Unconsciously collected over the years and crammed into my sack for safe keeping. Stock piled for my ego to poke about in and find things there to induce me to worry and even panic.

I've invested so much in this sack - my time, my beliefs, my experiences. I call it my sack of self loathing. I clutch it to me, I believe it has value, I believe it is real. Having placed my attention on it I find it's now palpable. I feel its drag, it slows me down. And as I heave it around with me more stuff attaches to it. It congeals, it's lifeless and its weight bears down on me.

And I've seen it in other people. Their negative expressions, movements, comments are all pulled out of their sack, wearily worn for a while and then stuffed back in again for another day. Some people wear them so well that they are moulded to their person and they are no longer aware of them. They make them seem miserable and unappealing and yet I'll bet there is still a spark of joy lurking about unde
eath the load.

But hauling the sack around is entirely voluntary, there is no compulsion behind it. We have foisted it upon ourselves, allowed it to settle in, put its feet up and become a comfortable and integral part of our lives.

Well not any more I decided. I wrestled my sack off my back, wrenched it free from my grip, prised it open and took a look inside. It was all very musty, dark and dank in there but I was resolute. I held my nose, took a deep breath and went in. And as expected there they all were. The all too familiar gremlins and my favourite pet fears. What a nonsense I realised, I really didn't need any of them. I had to let them go.

I sat down and closed my eyes and imagined that I was sitting in a beautifully peaceful place by the side of a river. I visualised my sack, bulging with all its contents, sitting on the ground in front of me. In my minds eye I saw myself open it up and look inside. I silently thanked all the shadowy occupants for their lessons, after all they were only doing their job, and let them know that I was now ready to let them go. I tied a knot in my sack, walked down to the river and gently cast them off. I watched as they floated out into the river, were picked up by the current and borne cheerfully away down stream. And as they went a sense of well being began to surge through me. It welled up around my heart and spread out. I went with it until the energy began to wane. Then I took a deep breath, slowly opened my eyes and came back into the room. I felt lighter, brighter, joyful and free. If you're happy to let some of your gremlins go you might want to give it a try.