Surviving the Stress of Unemployment

You just lost your job. Your reactions are a mixed bag: “Oh no, oh great – oh my God!” You are now feeling the effects of loss of employment. Perhaps you felt a strong reaction to the news or possibly you went numb. The question on your mind is “Now what?” That is a question that can be based on intellectual curiosity, emotional confusion, or fear (among other things.) This sense of urgency can be overwhelming if not properly managed, so let’s begin to put together the tools to manage the stress. nnExample: I was heading down a trail and the compass was working just fine. Then it quit working due to the fact that somehow the direction of north has changed. Wait a minute -- is that what really happened? I am still headed toward what should be north, but now I have uncertainty added in with my other thoughts and feelings. The important news is that you are still “you”, even though doubt has just changed your level of confidence. nWorking with stress requires some cinematic skills. Think of a close-up that expands out to a wide panorama. North still exists but you have begun to focus on the compass and the trail right in front of you, while a minute ago you were happily looking at the beautiful scenery!nStress closes down your focus – that is what it is supposed to do. Your neurology is working well. There are times to be focused on internal needs, thoughts, and feelings; yet there are also times to concentrate on the external scene of place, movement, and context. What is required is a blend of both modes: “I know where I am, what I need to do here and where am I headed.”nnOrienting to a new reality.nWhen we lose the anchor of our assumptions, the mind begins traveling to the world of “What if?” We can now remind ourselves that we know what to do. That doesn’t always mean it is easy to recreate the sense of self-assurance and direction that helps keep anxiety at a tolerable level. We have to be aware of the mind and understand what it is trying to do. The mind wants predictability, particularly with the new uncertainty of unemployment.nnTools: The Three R’snRoutines – modify, do not make drastic changes. Your mental and physical self needs stability. Everyday routine is still what holds you together. nRemember – all that you know about yourself. You haven’t changed- just the context of you. You still know what you need to do to get motivated, and how easy it is to rationalize not taking action. nReact – get physical. Your emotional self still needs to experience curiosity, learning, and wonder. Important actions include playing, discovery, and exploring new environments. In other words, put stress aside by finding some new recreational activities. nnGet ‘present’ - Being present means that you have a good sense of where you are in your day.nRoutines – your daily waking/sleeping cycle usually coincides with the requirements of your former job. For the first week you should wake up and go through the habits you have created that got you out the door; only now you will be going to the park, the gym, or volunteering. Your physical and mental habits have been part of this routine. You can retain stability and a sense of self by keeping to a daily schedule. nModifying this routine is easy. You may add 30–45 minutes of sleep in the morning before you get dressed and head out the door. You may even choose to dress in different clothing for your new destination. Maintaining the basic pattern of the day is important so that you can use this time productively.nnOther examples: Work time is made up of segments or scenes. Get productive by creating new content for these same time segments. This leads to remembering who you are and how you are.nn1. Morning n2. Late morningnLunchn3. Early afternoonn4. AfternoonnnnReclaim your identitynRemember – Keep your identity intact, only a portion of your life has changed. You probably don’t need a psychologist to remind you that you are a competent human being. Simply write out the following information to verify that you are the expert on being yourself. Then you can put this knowledge to work.nI am the one who _____________________________________________________________, nnAt the moment I am feeling _____________________________________________________________.nnMost of the time I know I am ____________________________________________________________.nnYour Stress Scale: List your first reactions to stress. Begin with the first little feeling up to the point where you are definitively stressed-out but managing it.nList the next level of stress – What do you typically do when you lose control?nThis is your stress profile although brief it is full of important information.nnMy main trigger for losing control is when I: _____________________________________________________________________________.nnWork Sheet: What do you do best?nnI know that I need to: ___________________________________________________________.nnI know that I can _______________________________ if I ____________________________.nnI know that I won’t ______________________________if I ___________________________.nnMy usual excuses are: ______________________________________________________________________________n_____________________________________________________________________________.nnReact: You already know your behavioral triggers to stress. List them below and repeat the ones that work from experience. Make sure that you describe actions, not ideas.nTake advantage of your stress reactions. You have an uneasy feeling or anxiety about being out of your daily routines and relationships, whether you enjoyed them or not. There is only so much you can do to look for work. Take advantage of the fact that your mind can tolerate just a certain amount of this issue in each day. Instead of having a mind that rebels and loses all interest in finding work, schedule some activities designed as diversions.nPlan Distractions that are: nEducational Fun Curious Exploratory ExperimentalnnMy Healthy coping behaviors:n(Talking with friends, family time, exercise, fun, creative projects, reading, etc…)n______________________________________________________________________________n_____________________________________________________________________________.nnMy Unhealthy coping behaviors:nSleeping: Too much / too littlenEating: Too much / too littlenToo much – (TV, Internet, Movies, games, smoking, drinking, etc…) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.nnSelf Prescription: nMake more time for: ____________________________________________________________.nNote the day/time and place for this activity. Create visual reminders to cue your behavior.nStop ____________________________________________________________________________.nMake visual ‘stop sign’ reminders of when and where this activity usually occurs.n