The 1 Competence Managers Need to Create a Kick-Butt Department

From the world stage to your work place or your home, everyone is a manager. Your kick-butt department could be your family. Or the Little League baseball team you coach. Or the Neighborhood Association you’re a part of. Everywhere where people are gathered, courageous conversations are sorely needed to carbonate our life and to achieve the extraordinary results we want. Cynicism about the seemingly hopeless state of politics and other change-resistant environments aside, it’s a helpful exercise to inquire into the questions “What elements must be present for a courageous conversation to occur?” “What might a courageous conversation look like? Sound like?” And “Are there courageous conversations I would be willing to have? With whom?”

Here again are the four Characteristics of Courageous Conversations
1. Courageous Conversations challenge participants’ perception of reality
2. Courageous Conversations tackle the tough stuff
3. Courageous Conversations invite, even provoke learning
4. Courageous Conversations enrich, not hurt relationships

In this article I’ll explore what helps a manager presence each of these characteristics in conversations.

#1. Courageous Conversations challenge reality: This means that the manager rna. assumes that participants, including him or herself, could arrive at a new understanding of something they have strong opinions and feelings about whether those are expressed or withheld
b. believes he or she, through inquiry, can be successful in bringing out the spirit of willingness in all participants, i.e. the manager can create an environment of safety as well as challenge
c. feels strongly that participants in the conversation are neither “broken” nor need to be “fixed”
d. is guided by “The conversation will be a contribution to all and to the goals of the team”
e. is willing to act as if a - d above are true. Is not thrown off by data that doesn’t fit the assumptions in a -d

What questions or thoughts come up for you? People are sometimes afraid to have conversations that challenge reality. We’re more willing to challenge others’ reality than our own. But we also often try to convince another person of our point of view instead of being curious about what and how they think. Why do you suppose that’s true? Have you had a courageous conversation you’re proud of? What’s different because of it for you and others?

#2. Courageous Conversations tackle the tough stuff: This means that the manager
a. is willing to be uncomfortable and have the conversation anyway. Does not let feelings trump the commitment to tackling the tough stuff with clarity, focus, and ease
b. refuses to take any item that’s limiting the success of the individual or the team off the table without being coercive or aggressive
c. is committed to becoming a good self-observer to develop the skill and mind-sets that allow him or her to stay calm even in the face of perceived pressure
d. stays open, receptive and curious. Notices his or her assumptions and does not assume they are the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
e. can make the distinction between facts and interpretation of the facts (This skill pays handsome dividends)

Have you had the experience of staying open, receptive and curious even in the face of pressure directed at you? What helped you? Share your thoughts, ideas and questions below.

#3. Courageous Conversations invite, even provoke learning: This means that the manager
a. is intentional about continuing to create an environment which the employee considers to be safe. Number 1 and Number 2 in the previous post set up such an environment rnb. can express clearly what s/he wants and needs and can inquire into the employee’s needs including and especially when progress on something is stalled or the employee doesn’t appear to be cooperating
c. can hold up the employee’s or team’s behaviors that are obstacles on the path to success without “cutting anyone off at the knees.” Stays with the conversation
d. is not attached to an outcome of the inquiry. Uses the information that is surfaced to inform future requests, offers, promises

Courageous conversations require a high level of self-awareness and self-observation of us in order not to “lose our way.” It means you can be other-centered without losing sight of your agenda. It requires courage and persistence. Can you think of an example where you were other-centered? Perhaps in a parent/child or friend/friend situation where you were also satisfied with the outcome for you?

#4. Courageous Conversations enrich, not hurt relationships: This means that the manager
a. does not operate under the assumption “If I have a direct, open, authentic conversation it will be perceived as a negative confrontation.” Rather assumes “I’ll hurt the relationship if we don’t have this conversation”
b. puts a high value on being clear and helping others to be clear
c. cares about self, the other, the team and acts in accordance with those values no matter what
d. stays current with conversations that need to take place. Doesn’t wait for formal performance reviews, for example.
e. Acts as if courageous conversations are just like other conversations only even more energizing (They will be with practice)

What, if anything, stops you from having courageous conversations as described? If you have courageous conversation you feel great about, would the people with whom you have those conversations agree with your assessment? Why not ask them?!

What would courageous conversations among world leaders look like? Among army decision-makers who must make deployment decisions? Utopia? I say no, it’s an achievable goal. Change your mind, change your conversation, change your life. Even entrenched cultural conversations can be changed. The time is now. The moment is this one. Be the change you want to see.